The Captivity of Wrigley the Cat

Under the weather

2010-02-14T11:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't been feeling too well the past few days. I must have eaten something but Mommy can't figure it out. I've been sick to my tummy, and just kind of blah.

Mommy is spending a lot of time with me, and I've been letting her pet me more than normal. I'm even letting Daddy snuggle up with me. And I haven't been fighting with Mean Polly very much either. It's very quiet around here when I'm sick. It's nice to know that I'm the life of the party.

Anyway, Mommy says that if I'm still sick tomorrow she's going to take me to the vet. I hope I don't have to go to the vet. I hate the vet. I don't mind the car ride so much, but I really hate doctors. So please send me some good wishes so that I don't have to go to the doctor. In the meantime, I'm going back to bed. All this writing has tired me out.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T22:59:00.000-08:00

For my adoring fans... I have suffered the indignity and embarrassment of putting on a Mrs. Claus outfit, which, I must say, looks very pretty against my gray fur. Even so, I have suffered this torture in order to send you festive holiday greetings. We are having turkey tomorrow. Mmmm. I can't wait! And the female human has promised us all a few bites of wet food as a special Christmas treat. And I might go crazy and get some catnip. Yummmm! Hopefully you all have an equally wonderful holiday!

Love,
Wrigley

Fall Fashions

2009-11-15T21:19:00.000-08:00

This is me modeling my newest Fall Fashion, a lovely warm scarf with mittens on the end for when my paws get cold. I'm warm and cozy, and I think the color looks just great on my gray coat. Man, I'm snazzy. I might go out tonight, just to show off my great new outfit. It even secures with velcro, so I can get it off easily when I'm tired of it. My female human got it at her regular haunt, Target, but she told me it was Gucci so I would wear it. I only realized after she took it off me and I saw the label. I'm trying to not be a label snob, though.

Anyway, things are poking along like normal here. I haven't been fighting as much with Polly as normal. I think I'm getting bored with it. I'm looking forward to the holidays, though, as there will surely be lots of leftover turkey for yours truly. The only thing that made me mad today was that my human gave a can of tuna to an outside cat. I would have loved to have a lick or three of tuna, but she said no. She said that I was lucky that I didn't have to live outside and I had a nice warm bed and regular food, so I could just live with not having tuna, and for the outside cat it might be a really big deal and help keep him warm. I stuck my nose up at her. Mean lady.

Halloween

2009-10-25T15:51:00.000-07:00

I know you all think I've deserted you. I haven't. My humans have just kept me busy doing autumnal activities like carving pumpkins.

A few weeks ago we had quite the episode. The back door blew open while the male human was working outside and going in and out, so hadn't latched it. We all went outside. All nine of us. We went all kinds of places. Well, some cats were scared and just went under the deck. I went for a wander around the forest and smelled lots of new things. But after about two or three hours I decided to come home for dinner. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I had forgotten just how vile it is being a prisoner.

My fur got messed up, which was a bummer, but it was worth it to go outside for a while. Unfortunately that will never happen again because the male human is absolutely insane about latching the door now. And to make matters worse, it's cold which means that I can't lay by the screen door and gaze outside any longer. The upside is that I get to lay by a fireplace, but that's a poor consolation prize...

helped fold laundry

2009-09-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

I helped my female human fold her socks tonight. I was feeling bored and thought I would be helpful because it's a nice thing to do. Also, I had a lot of catnip, so I wasn't really myself. You can't hold it against me.

My female human was away for a week, on and off, and I really missed her. I'd never let her know it though. I've just been following her around. Being cool, but, you know, close too.

Snuggly Kitty

2009-08-10T13:03:00.000-07:00

The other day my male human was putting his clean laundry away (he remembers to do that sometimes) and he left his tshirt drawer open. It looked like a snuggly place that I could get to and be alone and away from everyone, so I made myself at home and took a nice long nap in there.

Other news...there's been a giant animal hanging around. I'd never seen anything like it before. The humans called it a bear. It went through the garbage, which made me a little nervous. It's just a wee bit embarrassing to have a stranger going through your garbage like that. He then ate the food on the deck that the humans had put out for the outside cats. Then he just laid down and rested, the way I do. Polly growled at him through the window, but I didn't. I'm smart enough to know that you don't pick a fight with an animal that's like 50 times bigger than you are. Polly's pretty stupid sometimes. She picks fights with everything. But I would have thought she was smarter than to growl at a bear. What's he going to do, get scared of a little cat? I did the sensible thing when I saw it - I ran and hid under the bed. I'd rather he not know I was around, you know? He might look at my gorgeous coat and think that he could use me for extra fuel while hibernating. And I don't want to be bear food.

Look Who's Being Friendly

2009-07-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

Yes indeed, this is me laying in close proximity to two other cats - Tulip and Twilight, who are beginning to annoy me less now that I've lived with them for over a year.

It's been a very busy month for me. My humans had visitors for several weeks in June, so there were more people in the house than normal; however, some of them did take the time to worship me as is befitting my beauty and status.

Then my female human got addicted to a computer game and spent every free moment for several weeks playing, which made me really mad because she didn't have time to set up my meow-recognition software for me. She finally quit, so now I'm blogging.

I've started playing with the kittens more, now that they aren't babies. I don't think I'm very maternal because babies freak me out. Maybe it's just other people's babies that freak me out. Either way, I guess I never have to worry about it because I'm fixed. But anyway, I've been playing with the kittens almost every day now. We chase sticks together, and sometimes we pretend fight. I put my ears back, just to scare them, but whenever they get too close to attacking me, I run away rather than hurt them. I also share my treats with them sometimes. Not very often, but occasionally.

The humans got an air conditioner the other day, and we've all been enjoying laying around on the chair in front of it. Some of the cats get too close to me, but there's no way I'm giving up my spot right in the air flow, so I just let them say close and don't pay attention to them.

I'm having a pretty happy summer so far, all in all.

Afternoon naps

2009-05-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

Here I am taking a lovely Sunday afternoon nap, comfy in my unmade bed. My female human was outside gardening, and took this picture through the window. I'm pretty adorable, if I do say so myself.

I'm happy because it's the new season of So You Think You Can Dance, which is my favorite show. I do a lot of fancy footwork when I'm chasing the laser pointer, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I could make it through to Vegas in the first round.

I'm enjoying springtime. There are lots of fun spiders moving inside, and the kittens and I are having a really fun time chasing them. Also, the other day, there was a giant ant making his way across the living room floor. We all took turns batting at him until the female human came and screamed and calle for the male human to kill it. Bummer. We really wanted to keep playing with it.

Mean Wrigley

2009-05-20T21:50:00.000-07:00

This is me, in my Mean Mood. You can't tell it from the picture, but I'm buried under a bunch of pillows on the one side. It was a place of safety and warmth, and I'm in need of both of those lately.

First off, my human gets a neck/shoulder injury and winds up spending a week totally high on vicodin, muscle relaxants, and anti-inflammatory meds. Which means that I have no one to transcribe my pleas of help to the outside world. Then I started fighting with Polly more. You know, I'm just sick of her. And I'm showing her. The other day I trapped her in the bathroom by plopping myself right at the door, and whenever she tried to get past me, I hissed. Well, the male human saw this, and he had the nerve to lift me up, and without the proper grace that I require, and he actually yelled at me for it. So now I'm refusing to give him any love.

Although I did crawl into bed with them the other night when no one was around and slept in between their feet for a good 4 hours or so.

But as far as anyone is concerned, I'm fed up. My male human cancelled a bunch of my favorite tv channels the other day. Here he was, talking to the female, all "you know, we never watch these channels above 1000...let's call and cancel and it'll cut our bill by like $40" and she agrees. Did anybody ever ask me whether I care about the NHL channel? Listen, I like to watch grown men on ice fighting and spilling blood as much as anybody else. What do they think I DO all night while they're asleep? I've gotta stay occupied somehow, and since they refuse to let me fight with Polly, I need to watch the next best thing.

And my female human won't take me for walks anymore. She keeps saying she might, but the other day, she was out in her garden, and she took Twilight out. Without a leash. She said that it was ok because Twilight was one of the outdoor cats who moved in last year, and she stays on the porch with the human after having her ritualistic exploration under the deck where she used to live, and she won't run off. Well did anybody ever ask me whether I'd run off? No! Oh, I seethed, watching Twilight roll around in the ivy and scratch trees. The female human is all "oh, Wrigley's never lived outside, she might run off and get hit by a car," and all that crap. Well how does she know? Just because she's known me since I was three weeks old doesn't mean anything. I could have lived outside before then. I didn't. But I could have. She doesn't know, that's the point. Yet she assumes she knows.

Oh, I'm mad right now.

The one upside was that they gave me special kitty-milk they got at a place called Petsmart the other day. I really loved it. But then I threw it up. So now they're saying they might not give it to me again. Look, there were plenty of times when I saw the female human throwing up after she drank too much of something in a glass with a stem, but did she stop bringing those bottles home? Did I ever say "Oh, no more of this pinot for you, female human!" Nope, I just encouraged her to not drink to the point of throwing up, and now she's fine. It will just take me some time to get used to how much kitty-milk I can handle! We're at a high altitude now, which I've heard makes a difference in the effects of liquid refreshments. I sure hope I get kitty-milk again. I love that kitty-milk.

Nap Time

2009-05-04T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tulip and I were napping, and yeah, we might have been snuggling a teensy little bit...whatever..and then we were rudely awakened by our female human, and a bright flash. I am not surprised that the kittens can't seem to learn any good manners when I look at the example the female human sets. Sneaking up on cuddling cats and waking them up just to take a picture. The nerve of that woman.

And here's something else. There are all these birds around, right? And we all want to chase them. So she tells me she'll let me go outside, and I get all dressed up and excited, and get my bird-catching shoes ready, and she carries me outside, and when she puts me down I realize that I am on a leash. A leash! Like a dog! Well. I am not a dog, I told her. I am a regal cat, to be worshipped, and not to be put on a leash. "Take this leash off at once, human," I demanded. But she didn't. Oh, it was horrible. All the other cats saw. They all are calling me Fido now. Someday I shall sneak up on my human when she sleeps and put a flash bulb in her face and see how she likes it. Oh, it is just too humiliating for words.

Sometimes you just have to hide from the world

2009-04-26T13:07:00.000-07:00

I had a Big Adventure this week, and I'm recovering now. The female human took me outside to play a little bit in the forest last evening at twilight, and it was so much fun. She carried me in her arms until we got to an open space - I never knew we lived so close to a big forest, but apparently we are only two houses away. At the open space she put me down and stayed with me while I walked around and sniffed everything. I smelled all the plants, I scratched a tree, I dug around in some dirt, and I jumped onto some rocks. It was so awesome. But then it got dark, and the human was worried she wouldn't be able to see me and I could get away, so she picked me back up and took me home.

When I got home all the other cats crowded around sniffing me, which I wasn't particularly happy about. They all were asking how come I got to go outside, and did I do something special or was it my birthday or something? I said maybe I was just cuter than them. Now Blossom is standing at the door howling at it. But the humans won't let her out. Me, I'm just laying here recovering from my time outside and remembering how much fun it was. The female human has said that if she can find my leash, she might take me out to play when she works in her garden. I sure hope she finds it!

If Anna Wintour could see me outside in the gorgeous greenery, I just know she'd put me on the cover of Kitty Vogue!

Everything is ok with my catnip bars

2009-04-13T16:39:00.001-07:00

It's springtime, so there are lots of birds outside that I want to chase.

Instead I'm hanging out on the floor, rolling around in these wonderful cloth catnip bars that the female human bought for me at her favorite place called Target. Oh, I love them! I chase them around the house, I bat at them, and sometimes I just lay on top of them and absorb all the cat-nippy goodness inside. The other cats act strange around catnip. Polly just wants to roll her head in it. Blossom licks her belly. And Lewis Hamilton, one of the kittens, gets all affectionate and tries to sit on everyone. Me, I'm just chill. You know, watching some movie with Seth Rogan and playing some video games and eating a lot of dry food. Nothing bothers me when I have a catnip bar handy. Man, life is good today! Springtime and catnip and open windows with nice breezes. What more can you ask for?

Every girl needs a place to primp

2009-03-23T15:14:00.000-07:00

I got an early Christmas present today... a place to primp and pluck my eyebrows and stuff like that. The other day my mom noticed that I was having a lot of fun playing with myself in front of her full length mirror. I didn't realize it was me at first. I just saw this gorgeous and stunning cat that looked friendly enough, and didn't look like it was going to attack me, so I went up and sniffed it, and I just smelled myself. It was sooooo cool. I thought I'd found my long-lost twin sister! But when I looked behind the mirror, there was no one there. Then I thought it was some freaky "Through the Looking Glass" thing, but then mommy came up behind me, and I noticed that she was also finding her twin sister in the glass, but she didn't seem that excited. Then she started making me dance, and I realized that my long-lost sister was also dancing. It was just too fascinating. She was just so beautiful, doing this belly dance to techno music. I was like, "man, if I'm as cute as she is, I must be some kinda gorgeous!" I just didn't want to leave. I was having all kinds of deep conversations with my long lost twin. So then mommy moved this other magic looking glass thing to my favorite nap spot, so I can look into it while I'm falling asleep and have dreamy slumber party girl talk with my long lost twin. And I can also admire just how gorgeous I am. But I'm a little worried - I'm already four and a half years old. My peak years to be on the cover of Kitty Vogue are going to be coming and going soon. Why won't Anna Wintour offer me a cover? What can I do?

Bad Day

2009-02-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

I'm recovering from a Bad Day. All in the space of three minutes I got my nails stuck in my male human's sweater, and then while I was stuck, Polly the Mean came and attacked me. My fur went flying and I couldn't get loose to fight back because of being stuck on the male human's sweater. The male human scared Polly the Mean away, and my mommy came to calm me down because I was hissing like crazy. I growled a little bit and tried to get away, but mommy held me and petted me and whispered to me that it would be ok, and then she gave me catnip and stayed with me for about 20 minutes and petted me while the male human yelled at Polly the Mean. She didn't get any catnip. Blossom and I got catnip and got slightly loopy off of it. I spent the rest of the day in a mild stupor and now I'm just sitting on the top of a bookcase while my humans watch tv. They're watching a Will Ferrell movie, and that humor is below my standards, but I'm subjecting myself to it anyway just so I can be in the living room where it's warm. The humans have told me I can sleep with them alone tonight so I'm looking forward to a restful night. This whole living with other cats thing really stinks sometimes. I miss the Beginning when I just lived with mommy and before she met the male human and then they got all these other cats. It was nice and quiet living just with mommy. It was kind of boring, though, I guess. I'll feel better after a good night's sleep.

No, this is not me enjoying cuddling on a snowy day

2009-02-18T20:23:00.000-08:00

It was photoshopped, I swear it. I never would willingly lay down on a fluffy unmade bed with at least two or three other kittens, taking a nap while there's snow outside. There's no way I would do that. Somebody took this picture and then added me in. I'd sue, but I'm only a cat, and despite the success of Bee Movie, where the bee sues humans, Jerry Seinfeld lives in a different world than the rest of us, so I'm not holding my breath that my meow-recognition software would hold up in drafting a legal brief.

Did anybody catch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel on Superbowl Sunday? My humans did something they call "tivo" to it. I don't know what that means exactly, but somehow we watched it. Those puppies sure were kinda dumb. But then the Kitty Halftime Show just really ticked me off. Mostly because it was giving ideas to the kittens who live in the house with me, and suddenly they got all playful and wanted to sniff me. Just because I've stopped hissing at them every minute of the day, they seem to think I want to be friends, and show up looking all eager for a bath. Harumph. Like I'm gonna give those mountain kittens a bath. I'm French, for pete's sake! I don't do baths unless they are scented with Chanel.

My humans are still snowed in, which means that they're getting all antsy and want to play with me, too. My female human had the nerve to pick me up today, hold me like a baby, and scratch my tummy. I mean, the nerve. I'm the oldest cat in this household, and have the most seniority. I should not be treated like an infant. There really is no end to the indignity that I suffer in this house. And now this stupid picture surfaces of what appears to be me cuddling with cats. I will never live this down.

The one bright spot is that the human has planted fresh catnip, which means in a few days I'll have all I can hold of my drug of choice. Mmmmm. Catnip. I can hardly wait.

My new favorite food

2009-02-11T21:20:00.000-08:00

My female human made a strawberry smoothie today with strawberries, ice, milk and ice cream. I sniffed it and decided I liked it as much as I did the last time she made one, so I ate a little bit she put on a plate for me. My other favorite food lately is dry rice krispies. I didn't want any chicken tonight, though. Just rice krispies and strawberry smoothie. The foods no one else likes to eat, so I don't get bothered by other people trying to eat my food.

I have such cultured tastes.

The Breeze litter system (and strawberry smoothies)

2009-02-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

My female human has been checking out the Breeze litter system at Targe t for a couple of months now, intrigued by its promise of odor control and no tracking. She gets really upset when she's walking around barefoot and feels litter underneath. It really sets her off. So a few weeks ago, we all started getting "transitioned" to the Breeze, which is essentially a two level thing. These non-absorbent pellets let our liquid go down into the bottom level where a piddle-pad picks it up and keeps it from smelling. The solid stuff stays on top in the pellets just like litter. I guess the final changeover is happening this week. Up till now she's kept some litter boxes around in case one of us refuses to use the Breeze. But now we have four Breezes hanging around, and the female is officially telling us she's getting rid of the litter tomorrow, so we'd better enjoy it while we can.

I am having a good time playing around in it. She tells me that when I was a kitten I didn't know how to use the litter box yet and I just played around and felt the litter between my paws and scratched in it. She tells me I was very cute. Whatever.

So we're all a little weirded out by this Breeze thing, but it seems to be ok. If it keeps the human from going around with a little dustbrush and pan all the time, cleaning up my beautiful artistic litter creations, then I'll be ok with it.
--
I have discovered my new favorite treat - strawberry smoothies! Oh, they are yummy. My human made one the other day with strawberries, ice, milk and a little bit of sugar and banana. I drank all the leftover in the blender container thing as it was sitting in the sink. She didn't know, and kept wondering what happened, but then as it turned out, some of it got stuck on my face, so it gave the whole thing away, which made me mad. Anyway, I'm a big fan of blenders and smoothies.

A break from my normal complaints

2009-01-27T15:04:00.000-08:00

I was going to complain about my new litter system today (and people don't think that cats live adventurous lives!) but my human heard a podcast from NPR that made her cry, and convinced me to share it with you. I would never admit to crying over a silly cat story, but I did get some allergic thing going on when I heard it, and some non-tears which I had to wipe away with my paw.

Listen and think what you will about it. My human hugged us all pretty tightly after hearing it, so if you have something furry around, you might want to have it close by. But then again, my human gets weepy over everything. You should have seen her during last week's inauguration.

Hibernating

2009-01-10T22:19:00.000-08:00

I'm a bit gloomy this time of year. The Holidays are over, which means that I'm not going to be getting any leftover turkey for a while, it's still cold and really windy, which is a little bit scary, and it's all just time to go into hibernation. Here I am all tucked up and warm and looking dreamy and sleepy (attention Anna Wintour: I'm still available for photo shoots - imagine me all nicely tucked up in a luxury silk blanket, and not this Target flannel thing).

I have decided to reclaim the bed. I used to lay on it all the time, but then all the other cats came, and it was all confusion in terms of what territory belonged to whom. But there's no reason why I can't have the bed with the nice window, too. I shouldn't have to stay up in the attic all the time. True, it's really warm up there, and there's a giant kitty hotel with like 10 cubicles stacked on top of each other, but nothing compares to the nice warm bed. Additionally, the humans let me sleep with them alone most nights now. They started closing the bedroom door because the kittens drove them nuts wanting to play all the time, so at bedtime they always clear out all the other cats and let me stay in with them for some quality Princess Bonding Time. It's nice. I always get a good eight hours, and I get to cuddle with them in their sleep, when they won't know or remember, so I won't lose my reputation for being moody.

The quiet after the storm

2009-01-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

This is me in chillout mode. And man, do I need it. The past few days have been kitty-crazy. I don't know what living in these mountains has done to my humans. Somebody put something in their water or something because all of a sudden they're all about saving the dang cats this year. First they adopt Tulip and Blossom (I like Tulip but Blossom and I are still working things out), then Twilight and Polly are allowed to come in from outside, and then Polly has her babies. All of a sudden, it's nearly impossible to just stretch out on the bed anymore.

But this week really took the cake. So there are two outdoor cats that still hang around, right? Fluffy Cat (because he's fluffy) and Mama Cat (who is really a boy, but who the stupid humans used to think was the mama of Polly and Twilight, before they knew anything). Fluffy and Mama fight all the time because they're both boys. For some time the humans have been talking about trapping them and getting them fixed. But they're busy (and lazy). But then the snow came, the female got all sentimental, the male got all "Mr. Fix It" and before you know it, Fluffy is trapped and spraying in the bathroom. They took him to the vet on Friday (after making tons of calls to the humane societies, who have paid for it all), after trapping him on Thursday. He was all kinds of noisy because they kept him in the trap all night, afraid that they wouldn't be able to get him back in if they left him out. He still had room to walk around and lie down, so he was more comfortable than he would have been out in the snow.

He leaves, and I'm all happy because the female started washing the rugs where he peed, and I'm thinking he's gone. But then in the afternoon, he comes back, and is allowed to recuperate in the bathroom from his surgery. Which means I can't lay on the warm dryer, which is my favorite thing in the world to do. And they fed him ham. Did I get ham? I don't think so. Unless I misplaced it. Maybe I misplaced my ham. Hey, have you seen my ham? NO! I didn't THINK so!

Well, he's finally gone now (they released him back outside, where he wanted to go), but the craziness will continue next week because since they are in Cat-Fixing mode, they are getting Mama Cat, too. And he is WILD. It is going to be a NOISY night when he's trapped inside. Their bathroom is gonna STINK. Ain't no amount of febreeze getting the smell outta whatever that boy sits on. Maybe they should put the trap in the bathtub overnight. I'm not gonna tell them that, though. More laundry means more warm dryers for me to sit on.

They keep saying it's because they don't want more kittens in the spring, and how it's the best thing to do for the cats to fix them, and get them tested for FIV so they don't give it to other cats, yada yada. But I think it's just an exercise in torture. I'm enjoying the quiet time now until they trap Mama Cat. It's football time, and I've got me some Cool Ranch Doritos and some Iams food. Life is good. For now.

2008-12-23T21:48:00.000-08:00

I can do the festive thing sometimes. Nice hat, don't you think?

My human gave me real chicken tonight. Oh, it was heavenly! I'll wear this hat all day long for real chicken.

The humans are still snowed in, and there is wrapping paper and bows everywhere for me to play with. Life is good.

Merry Christmas to all my adoring readers. I'm thinking up some fun schemes for the New Year.

Snowed In

2008-12-18T20:58:00.001-08:00

We are all snowed in up in the mountains, so I have finally been able to convince my human to get out my meow-recognition software and let me blog again. Honestly, she's been so lazy. And so many excuses. Holidays, visitors, blah blah. Really, it was an obsession with a video game that has kept her from letting me blog to you, my loyal readers.

So, it's Christmas time. I am hoping to get a new coat this year. My existing one has gotten a bit scratched up because I've been fighting with Polly. She's the mama of all the babies in the family. She just really gets on my nerves. When she was pregnant back in the spring, she was all b*tchy, hoarding the food and growling at us all. Now she's stressing because she hasn't lost the baby weight, and she's trying to diet, which is making her mean and grumpy. Anyone on a diet is not a nice person, or cat, to be around. And anyway, she's had four kids. I wish she'd just chill out about it. But noooo, she wants to go out and be a party girl. All these boy cats are coming around now, and she sits at the window and flirts with them, and I guess one of them called her chubby the other day, and man, did that set her off. So I have to try to put her in her place, and then she gets me with her nails, and we growl and hiss, and the whole thing gets very unpleasant. It really stresses out the humans, I can tell, but I don't care. They brought her in, they can deal with the stress of me not liking her.

But at least it's warm inside so that's nice. I have a new spot on the top of the dryer in a washbasket that's been there for a while. There's a blanket in it now, and I like to climb in there and no one can see me. It's very nice. Also, during the winter when it's snowy, I appreciate being inside. Twilight was telling me some stories about last winter, when she was outside - before the humans found her - and it was really unpleasant. She sure is grateful for being inside with a regular food supply now, and I try to keep that in mind when I get mad at Polly.

That's the news from here. I'm having a good holiday season. Thanksgiving, especially, provided me with some lovely turkey leftovers, which I very much enjoyed. I'm hoping for more at Christmas next week, too. We'll see....

Don't you wish your kitty was cute like me?

2008-07-10T20:12:00.001-07:00

My female human has been listening to the pop stations pretending she's a teenager again, hence the blog title. I see that Tulip has written some most unflattering and completely false things about me. You can't believe anything she says. She is, after all, not the smartest kitten. She's a year old and still chases her tail. I mean, some of us grow up eventually and lose our childish habits.

I am adjusting to life with the kittens. I hissed and hissed a lot when they were first introduced, but I am finding that I can mostly just stay away from them, and play a little bit when I feel like it. I am the only one who keeps them in line, though. Everyone else is all, "oh, they're soooo cute..." and don't notice that they didn't clean their paws after using the litterbox and are dragging solid waste all around my territory. I know they're still young and will figure it out eventually, but I still don't want poop in my nap spot...

I've discovered that the laundry basket in the closet under my female humans' hanging shoe organizer is a most pleasant and cool spot, away from all of the distractions. I come out for food, and occasional exercise and petting, but other than that, I am a kitty in the closet.

A poem about the kittens

2008-06-26T11:53:00.001-07:00

My female human wrote this poem on the kittens.

The Blissfulness of Kittendom

From a vantage point two inches off the ground
I stalk my prey
dodging and weaving
growing into my paws,
my claws.
My head heavy,
pulling me down when I try to run.

But still I press on,
slipping and sliding on the hard floor:
Alert and aware of any threatening sound
(which is to say, any new sound at all)
My tail is raised to attention,
My back is arched
and my fur -
electric.

I close in
I crawl, I creep.
The world is fresh and new
and I am a hunter
as were my ancestors, and their blood runs through me

I wait
I wait
I wait
...and

Suddenly I pounce, leaping high into the air
bouncing when I land and rising even higher
I surprise and overpower the prey.
I trap it and
the blood pulses through me and I am alive

...

And the flip flop has no idea
what
just
hit it.

I'm Tulip, and I'm Guest Blogging!

2008-06-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

Hi there! I'm Tulip! I think Auntie Wrigley talks about me sometimes, right? I met her in February. It was so cold outside and I had to ride in a big truck with my foster-mommy, and my mommy and I shared a carrier, and it was nice because she kept me warm, but I was happy that we weren't living outside anymore. I don't really remember the Outside Days, but my mommy does, and she always tells me that I can't run out of the house if my human-mommy accidentally leaves the door open because I might get lost, and she says that I couldn't find my way back home because I'm not the smartest kitten around. I don't know exactly what that means, but I always stay inside, just like mommy tells me. Even though there are birds and squirrels outside, and I would love to chase them, but mommy tells me to stay in. And then she licks my ears, so I forget about the squirrels and birds. And anyway, it's kind of ok because my human mommy gets me a lot of toys to play with, so there's always something fun to do when I'm not napping. And I like to play with Auntie Wrigley a lot!

Auntie Wrigley is letting me write today because she's too hot and tired. She said that she owed her adoring fans an update, but she couldn't because it is too hot, and she asked me to, but I don't know what an update to adoring fans means, so I'm going to tell you about what I like about Auntie Wrigley. My mommy doesn't understand her and thinks she's mean. But she's not. She's just misunderstood.

Auntie Wrigley never had any kitten playmates growing up like I did, so she doesn't always know how to play properly. But I teach her. She thinks that when I chase her and bite her tail, that I really want to hurt her. But then I just remind her. And then we wrestle. It's fun to wrestle with Auntie Wrigley because she doesn't know how to wrestle properly with a kitten. She knows how to wrestle with human feet, but not kittens. So I can always beat her. I pin her on her back and she tries to bat at me, but she never pulls out her claws, so I know she doesn't mean it. Sometimes mommy sees it and worries, but then we'll start purring, so mommy knows it's ok.

Auntie Wrigley always lets me eat her wet food. She takes a couple of bites, but then she gives it to me. She also lets me lay in her favorite pink bed, too. Which is really nice and smells like her. She also lets me use the scratching post, even if she's in the middle of it.

Right now Auntie Wrigley is laying in her spot on the windowsill. We had some treats tonight - the humans made steak and they gave us each two bites to nibble on. It was so yummy! And what else is happening here? Oh, the baby kittens are so cute! The humans let me sniff at them when they peek their heads out of the door sometimes. I'm so excited to get to play with them, but they're so tiny! Mommy told me that I was tiny like that once, but I don't believe it. I'm a big girl now and I don't think I was ever that tiny. They sure are small.

I guess that's all that's going on in the house right now. It's warm and I'm going to take a nap by the window where it's cool. Thanks for letting me say hi! Maybe Auntie Wrigley will let me write here again sometime!

I'm glad I'm not the one getting fixed today

2008-06-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

The black cat that they used to call Sister (because they thought she was Polyphony's sister - honestly, they are so unimaginative) is now called Twilight, and she got fixed today. So we're all just chilling out and trying to be quiet and give her some space because she's all tired and grumpy and doesn't know what's going on. We've all been through it before, so we know the gig. I kind of feel sorry for her, but I'd never admit that, so don't go telling anyone.

And my female human got some contraption called an elliptical machine a few weeks ago. It's making me mad because she inconsiderately put it in the office, which just happens to be the only room I feel comfortable in these days since my territory keeps shrinking. So now, not only is this monstrosity in my space, but she's in there every day huffing and puffing, and she turns the tv up REALLY loudly so she can hear it over the noise of the machine beeping, and it completely destroys my nap time. It's just so rude. Honestly, these humans just have no manners.

I just don't know how anybody expects me to thrive and reach my full potential in this environment! Cats everywhere, cat hair on my gorgeous fur, litterboxes with scents that aren't mine. It's all just becoming a bit much. Fortunately my human always feeds me in the office so I don't have to eat in the same room with them and their bad manners. Additionally, she always leaves copies of her New Yorker around, so I can catch up on all the news that's important, and not the neighborhood talk around here, which consists mostly of who has the best hairballs.

Wrigley's parents have been very busy...

2008-05-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

With Polyphony's babies. Now I'm a little too stoic and sophisticated to be swayed by cute kittens, but these ones sure are something special.

I'm no good unless I've had my coffee

2008-04-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

I mean, given the fact that I now live with Cat People, and a house full of furry felines, I savor any bit of rest I can get these days.

We had a sad day yesterday. The big outdoor patriarch, Big Boy, had to be put down. I never liked him much, and we batted at each other through the window; but he was a good dad to his brood, and the humans are hugely distraught, and he had FIV (kitty hiv) and I wouldn't wish that on my worst feline enemy, so I'm giving him his due respect.

I hope he's doing well in Kitty Heaven now. His daughter, Polyphony, is due in a few days, so he'll have a legacy. I know I won't get to see the kittens until they are at least a few weeks old (and I really have much too much to think about to care anyway) but I suppose I will be able to bring myself to show at least a little bit of interest. They might be somewhat cuddly.

Polyphony is Pregnant and totally hormonal

2008-04-23T22:31:00.000-07:00

So the humans found out the other day that Polyphony, the new little black cat, is pregnant. They found out when it was too late to spay her, so we're gonna get kittens in about a week or so.

They sequestered her in her Pregnancy Room (the back bedroom and bathroom) because she was getting totally hormonal. The other day she chased all of us into separate corners and growled at us when we tried to go past her. Seriously, she's too much. I guess it's hard for her because she's so young. She's only 6 months old. Still a baby. She really has no clue what's going on, and I'm sure it's upsetting to her.

She still shouldn't take it out on me, though.

The humans have contacted the humane league, who will help out with getting them adopted out, because lord knows, if there were going to be kittens in the house forever, I'd howl.

The little black cat's Sister also came into the house recently. So now the roster includes:

1. Me
2. Tulip
3. Blossom
4. Polyphony
5. Polyphony's sister (she's still nameless - they just call her Sister)

And there will be kittens soon.

But I think that they will adopt Polyphony out after the kittens go, because Sister is really nice and has been fitting in well, but Polyphony is just a b*tch. We'll see how she is after she gives birth, though. She's pretty cute.

I refuse to eat with everyone these days. When the female human gets the food ready for us all, she puts all the bowls down, and I just hover at the doorway, watching and staying out of the fray. Then she brings me my food into the office, and I eat there, in privacy.

Here's a video of Polyphony's belly, if you're interested. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated. It's such a stressful time, but Tulip has been teaching me kitty-yoga and we've been chilling out on a new catnip play mat that the female got at a place she practically lives at called Target (I thought maybe it was a church or something, since she goes so often, but then I heard her say that she gives way more than a tithe to Target, so it must be something different).

One of the (few) things I like about having other cats in the house

2008-04-13T21:21:00.000-07:00

The humans have other people to do things like this to. It really is nice to just sit back and watch, and stifle a giggle. If it means I don't have to wear dresses like this, I'm all about sisters.

I am so adorable

2008-04-09T21:55:00.001-07:00

Everyone wishes they were as cute as me. Especially in my special "repose" pose.

Another cat invaded the space again. My humans have turned into cat-people. I don't even like cat-people, and I'm a friggin cat. What's up with that?

I'm really chill, though. This cat is an all-black one. She was the runt of a litter of feral ones that live under the humans' deck. I've seen her outside a couple of times, and we've sniffed each other through the screen door.

She's totally not cool with it, though. She growls at everything. It's made me appreciate how friendly Tulip and Blossom are. The humans think she'll fit in eventually. I'm just hanging out watching her growl.

And looking gorgeous. It's hard to keep up with my exciting life.

Don't even say a word

2008-02-23T15:16:00.001-08:00

Yeah, I got busted cuddling with Tulip. Whatever. So what? She was warm. These two new cats have all this fur and they're all warm and everything. I didn't think anyone was looking! I'd never show this much affection if I knew someone was looking, much less taking a picture.

Whatever. My female human thinks I'm getting soft. Sucker.

On a different note, the other day I had a staredown contest with the neighborhood cat. The Big Black Cat was sitting directly outside the bedroom window on a wall so that his head was level with mine when I sat on the windowsill. I puffed up my tail and batted at him through the glass. It woke my female human up, and she got all freaked out just waking up and seeing this big black head at the window. Yeah, well, it freaked me out, too, and that's why I was trying to protect her. Instead she just shut the blinds so we couldn't see each other. She's so lame sometimes.

Getting used to the new cats

2008-02-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

So I'm getting used to these new cats that have invaded my space. I stopped hissing because it was making my throat sore. I've decided that I really like their new litter box, but they can't use mine. Just like I can eat their food, but they can't eat mine. It's my house, my rules.

They've pretty much put their scent all over the house now, but I am lucky that one area - my pink soft foamy bed thing - has stayed mine. I told them they couldn't go anywhere close to it.

Tulip and I play a lot - I like her big puffy tail. I like to swat it when she walks past me. Blossom is just kind of blah. She sits. She yawns. She sleeps. Sometimes she meows. I try to play with her sometimes, but it's just not worth the effort.

Anyway, I know lots of you are worried about me stuck up here in the mountains with the raccoons on the deck and these new cats in the house. Not to fear - I'm managing. Just barely.

Intruders

2008-02-04T21:58:00.000-08:00

Well, they've gone and done it.

They've really gone and done it.

My humans have brought new cats into the home. A mama, Blossom, and her baby, Tulip.

I mean, they're cute and all, but I mean, it's my house!

I'm hissing a lot.

But I am smelling them, too. I think they're ok.

Still, the nerve of them. I mean, honestly.

I just don't know what else to say about this. I need to think. And lick myself a little more.

Snow

2008-01-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

There has been a huge snowfall here in my new home, and thus, a picture of me looking dreamy with a backdrop of the white stuff.

I had been pretty curious about it, but no more, thank you very much. My male human wrapped me up in his jacked and walked outside with me so I could have a look at this weird stuff they get up here. I crawled out and he let me try and walk on it, but then my paw sunk down into it, and it turns out it's actually higher than me this time. So I couldn't really do much. I meowed, and he picked me right back up again and brought me inside and dried me off. So now I just look at the Little Black Cat out the window and gloat.

My humans fed him, though - the Little Black Cat. They fed him my food. Honestly, next thing you know they'll be inviting him in for tea and gossip.

The other big adventure I had this week was that I got to stay in another hotel for one night. My female human had a meeting on Friday morning about 3-4 hours away. She doesn't like to leave home, so she had just been thinking to go up early in the morning. But with this snow and all, she decided she needed to get down the mountain quick-like. So they loaded me in the car on Thursday afternoon and drove me to someplace named Lompoc which was close to somewhere else called Santa Barbara.

The hotel was some kind of weird. I could crawl in the thing they called the "box spring" so I could keep them awake all night. That was fun. It was even more fun when it was time to go home and I crawled up there, and they had to lift the bed up to get me. I laughed and laughed. It was a good time.

I cuddled into my female human's feet on the way home and fell asleep on her ankle. I thought that would be fun. But then. Oh then. Then the real torture started. We got up the mountain and it turns out the road where the humans have bought this house of theirs wasn't plowed, and we had to walk, with all our stuff from traveling the night before, back to the house. I must say, my female human was very gruff with me. She just grabbed me and expected me to be still and not try to run away or put up a fuss.

I could tell they were stressed out, and besides, there's been serious talk of getting another cat lately, so I decided it would be best to behave. We got to the house and it turns out there was no electricity. So it was cold. The male got the car unstuck and the female started shoveling and everybody forgot that I needed food for at least an hour. The male made a fire and the female lit candles and finally I got my dinner. Just because their electricity is off doesn't mean I need to suffer. I don't need electricity anyway.

That said, it was kind of cold throughout the night. They closed the door to the bedroom, which is where I like to sleep, and stayed in the living room where the fire was. So I had to stay out there with them. I guess I may have crawled under their blankets a time or two, but I'd never admit it.

Life returns to Normal after my Humans Desert Me

2008-01-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

Oh, and Happy New Year.

My humans deserted me for 12 days. 12 whole days. The heat was out and I was freezing.

Oh, ok, so they did arrange for Tara of Heart and Soul Pet Care to come visit me each day. She fed me and watered me, gave me my hairball treats and played with me.

So I can't be too much of a martyr about it.

Either way, it still sucked.

It sucked so much I let the humans hold me for about 15 minutes last night when they got home. And I slept in their bed with them.

Yeah, I love them. I'm a sissy cat sometimes. But I'm strong enough to admit it.

After a few days I'll go back to my normal routine of ignoring them and complaining about the lack of quality catnip, but for now, I'm just enjoying some warmth in the house and pats on my belly whenever I want them.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T14:46:00.001-08:00

Here I am feeling festive in my green tshirt. Christmas is a tolerable time of year for me. True, there are more humans around than I'd like - the male human's parents have been here, though they worship me the way I should be worshipped, so it's ok. They get out of my chair when I want them to, and pet me with their feet.

And I got some Christmas treats, so that's nice. Anna Wintour still hasn't contacted me about being a cover kitty, but I am nurturing my dream anyway. Maybe in 2008. Everyone said I was gorgeous this weekend. I just hope word gets to New York soon, before I start getting wrinkles.

it's been a hard few days...

2007-12-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

...my female human had something called "surgery" done last week. This has me terribly inconvenienced as she keeps forgetting to give me my hairball treats in the morning with my breakfast. The male human never feeds me, so he doesn't know what to do about it. Plus, she's wandering around the house moaning about how sore she is.

I had surgery once, but then they called it getting me "fixed". You didn't see me wandering around moaning about how sore I was. No sireeee. I was brave and gorgeous. I did try to eat my stitches, but at least I wasn't moaning.

Plus there have been more humans around. The female's parents have been here visiting. This house is too small for anyone but me, but especially not two more humans taking up my spots with their suitcases. The nerve of them.

And last night a family of raccoons was out on the deck. The papa one was at least five times my size. And the babies were twice as big as me. They were mocking me. The humans were all "ooooh" and "aren't they cute!" and everything like that when the raccoons came and looked through the glass doorway at them. So simple and easily amused, they are.

The raccoons were really teasing me for being inside while they were all bushy and furry and supposedly great outdoor hunters.

Whatever. They're just jealous. Because sometimes, when I'm feeling generous, I let my humans rub my belly. And I would never admit this, but there really isn't anything in the world as wonderful as getting your belly rubbed while you're in the middle of a nap, and you're all warm and dreaming of fish and birds, and you know there's a dish of wet food in the kitchen for when your full belly is empty again, and you can nuzzle your head into your humans' hand and let her love you for just a few minutes...

My new perch

2007-11-28T22:28:00.001-08:00

Here I am looking dreamy and distant in my new perch in my new house. Almost the entire house has my scent around it now, which is comforting. And I can take some time to rest and stare out the window now that settling-in work is getting finished.

I'm trying to perfect my dreamy and distant pose because I live in constant hope that Anna Wintour will start a Kitty Vogue and I'd just love to be a cover cat. Especially now that I know I'm French, it has only confirmed my belief that I am cut out for a much grander life than the one I'm living now. I dream of crazy catnip parties, excellent wet food at all hours, and no humans trying to cuddle with me.

I have met one of the local-yokel cats who live in my new neighborhood. The Little Black Cat comes and hangs around on the deck outside. He sticks his little head right up to the glass front door, and the other day my female human didn't even realize he was here - she thought he was a reflection of me in the glass (goes to show she can't appreciate my beauty). So he and I jumped up and down a few times - I made my tail puffy to show him who he's messing with - and he did some stupid cat thing where he ran into the glass trying to get to me. Dumb*ss.

Why, oh why, couldn't the humans taken me to New York or somewhere that has the class and culture deserving of my presence? But no, they just keep thinking of more and more ways to degrade the wonder that is me.

Someday they'll learn.

What happens when you drink too much milk at the office party...

2007-11-26T23:08:00.000-08:00

Oi vey. Too much festiveness, already this early in the season. Just you wait for New Years!

What is it with humans and equipements insultants qui rendent me le sembler ridicule

2007-11-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

...or, for those of you who haven't mastered the mother tongue as I have (seeing as how I'm French, and all), I mean, these awful, ridiculous insulting outfits that make me feel terrible!

What on earth was my female human thinking today???

She told me that the outfits at Petco were just so darned cute and Christmas-ey.

I wasn't amused.

At least she gave me some catnip as a reward. La vie même dans une maison avec ces humains est supportable avec le cataire. (I can stand living with the humans when I get catnip).

Here is some video of me in my outfit, too. The worst part of it is that she got me an XS, which fit me fine until I hit my childbearing years. I'm going to have to cut back on the hairball treats. These fur handles are just too much. I'm going to see whether the female human will play with me more, to burn off some calories. The male human just wants to cuddle all the time.

The Worst Indignity

2007-11-13T22:06:00.000-08:00

I have tried to block this from my memory, but it persists...n'importe comment beaucoup j'essayent. Oh, and I am learning French, to explore my lineage. And to make myself more regal. Plus les humains ne me comprendra pas quand je projette mon évasion. But that will just be our little secret.

I feel so sophisticated. It makes up for my horrible dry food. Ah, comment j'aimerais un mignon de filet!

Car trips home

2007-11-11T22:54:00.000-08:00

We came home from San Francisco in the car, but fortunately I was able to sleep just about the whole time. When we got home, I had to go around and mark my scent everywhere again. So much work this week. Honestly. I spent the weekend recovering.

My humans sold a chair I liked right out from under me today. They say it's because they're moving, to this so-called house I keep hearing about. I still think it's just a way to torture me.

I also have an infection in my eye.

It's been a hard weekend.

Kitty Vogue

2007-11-09T19:30:00.000-08:00

Here I am, looking dreamy and distant in my gray fur (so trendy for fall), perfect for chilly nights in the Bay Area.
Lots of kitty models relax with catnip. It really chills you out. You just need to be careful to not indulge in the tuna canapes too much.

it's all about me

2007-11-08T22:14:00.000-08:00

my humans finally realized what kind of cat I am (took them long enough).

I am a Chartreux. I have a long history and lineage in France, which the female one says explains why I am the way I am.

Philistine.

She has no sense of regal class, which I obviously do.

On brighter subjects, I am getting used to my hotel room. Nearly everything is marked with my scent now. I even graced the humans with my company in bed last night. It was chilly, I had no choice.

Nap time

2007-11-07T08:48:00.000-08:00

My human took this video of me napping in my new hotel territory.

hotels

2007-11-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

my humans have brought me to a place they call the Bay Area. The female one has to work here sometimes. They made me ride in the car all day and now i'm in a hotel. I'm rubbing myself up against all the walls so it will still be bearable tomorrow.

There's weird furniture here and it smells funny. There's a big bed, though. What I think I'll do is lay on it right in the middle and stretch out all the way so the humans will have to lay around me. It'll be fun to watch them try not to disturb me. I'll be looking all peaceful and cute and I'll be laughing all the way to the bank, as they say.

The cat next door

2007-11-04T17:35:00.000-08:00

There are lots of neighborhood cats where I am being held. Sometimes I look out the window at them and try to communicate with them about how I am held captive, and I ask them to bring help. One time my female human caught me planning with a gray cat through the window. She thought it was cute and further degraded me by telling the male human that I had a "boyfriend" and then tried to cuddle me.

One of these cats seems to be getting ready to invade. The one they call Calico has been sitting on the wall outside and looking through the window for the past three weeks. They go out and feed her, and she crawls all over them, purring and snuggling. Apparently she's cold and hungry outside, and is hoping that they'll bring her in, which they seem to be considering.

While part of me thinks it would be good to have a fellow captive around, to help plan my escape on the off-chance that they leave the door open when bringing in the groceries, I just don't think I can abide by this blatant disregard of my demands and needs. For better or for worse, this is my territory, and I can't have strange cats coming in and rubbing themselves all over it.

They brought her in for a few hours the other night, and she freaked out and they let her go back outside. Still, for an hour she was on my chair and my futon. I made my displeasure known by hissing and growling at her through the closed door.

So anyway, we'll have to see how this situation develops. I had hoped that they had already thought of all the ways to torment me. Apparently that hope was in vain.

My Average Saturday

2007-11-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

The humans seem to be playing mind games with me.

They are tearing apart furniture and piling up boxes. I've seen this before. It spells trouble. It means new scents that I don't know, and new territory that I need to mark. Such a hassle to deviate from my normal routine. It means that for at least a week I'll be rubbing myself against walls and windowsills when I could be happily napping or getting stoned on catnip.

They keep talking at me in their squeaky little voices about something called a house. I think they are toying with me.

At least the female one played with me for a while today. I got to bite her foot. She thought I was being cute and joking. If only she knew. I can play mind games too.

Why me?

2007-11-03T02:15:00.000-07:00

I am Wrigley. At least I think I am. That's what my humans call me. I usually pretend I don't understand them, though. It keeps things easier that way.

I was left in a Big Lots parking lot in Nashville Tennessee when I was just a few weeks old. This was 3 years ago. My human found me (she says she was going to Big Lots to buy closet organizers, but I don't believe her - she can't organize her sock drawer let alone a whole closet) and it's been all downhill from there. I've had to come to Los Angeles, in a car. I go to San Francisco with her for something she calls "work" a lot, also in a car. She got this husband, and he's always trying to cuddle with me. Doesn't he understand that I am regal, and meant to be admired from afar?

I am starting this blog because I feel a need to share my experience in captivity. No creature as famous and refined as myself should be forced to eat dry food and sleep in a pink fuzzy bed thing they got at Target. Honestly. The nerve.

I will be documenting the insults that I receive. Hopefully my pain and suffering can help others.