No, this is not me enjoying cuddling on a snowy day

It was photoshopped, I swear it. I never would willingly lay down on a fluffy unmade bed with at least two or three other kittens, taking a nap while there's snow outside. There's no way I would do that. Somebody took this picture and then added me in. I'd sue, but I'm only a cat, and despite the success of Bee Movie, where the bee sues humans, Jerry Seinfeld lives in a different world than the rest of us, so I'm not holding my breath that my meow-recognition software would hold up in drafting a legal brief.

Did anybody catch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel on Superbowl Sunday? My humans did something they call "tivo" to it. I don't know what that means exactly, but somehow we watched it. Those puppies sure were kinda dumb. But then the Kitty Halftime Show just really ticked me off. Mostly because it was giving ideas to the kittens who live in the house with me, and suddenly they got all playful and wanted to sniff me. Just because I've stopped hissing at them every minute of the day, they seem to think I want to be friends, and show up looking all eager for a bath. Harumph. Like I'm gonna give those mountain kittens a bath. I'm French, for pete's sake! I don't do baths unless they are scented with Chanel.

My humans are still snowed in, which means that they're getting all antsy and want to play with me, too. My female human had the nerve to pick me up today, hold me like a baby, and scratch my tummy. I mean, the nerve. I'm the oldest cat in this household, and have the most seniority. I should not be treated like an infant. There really is no end to the indignity that I suffer in this house. And now this stupid picture surfaces of what appears to be me cuddling with cats. I will never live this down.

The one bright spot is that the human has planted fresh catnip, which means in a few days I'll have all I can hold of my drug of choice. Mmmmm. Catnip. I can hardly wait.

My new perch

Here I am looking dreamy and distant in my new perch in my new house. Almost the entire house has my scent around it now, which is comforting. And I can take some time to rest and stare out the window now that settling-in work is getting finished.

I'm trying to perfect my dreamy and distant pose because I live in constant hope that Anna Wintour will start a Kitty Vogue and I'd just love to be a cover cat. Especially now that I know I'm French, it has only confirmed my belief that I am cut out for a much grander life than the one I'm living now. I dream of crazy catnip parties, excellent wet food at all hours, and no humans trying to cuddle with me.

I have met one of the local-yokel cats who live in my new neighborhood. The Little Black Cat comes and hangs around on the deck outside. He sticks his little head right up to the glass front door, and the other day my female human didn't even realize he was here - she thought he was a reflection of me in the glass (goes to show she can't appreciate my beauty). So he and I jumped up and down a few times - I made my tail puffy to show him who he's messing with - and he did some stupid cat thing where he ran into the glass trying to get to me. Dumb*ss.

Why, oh why, couldn't the humans taken me to New York or somewhere that has the class and culture deserving of my presence? But no, they just keep thinking of more and more ways to degrade the wonder that is me.

Someday they'll learn.

What is it with humans and equipements insultants qui rendent me le sembler ridicule

...or, for those of you who haven't mastered the mother tongue as I have (seeing as how I'm French, and all), I mean, these awful, ridiculous insulting outfits that make me feel terrible!




What on earth was my female human thinking today???

She told me that the outfits at Petco were just so darned cute and Christmas-ey.


I wasn't amused.




At least she gave me some catnip as a reward. La vie même dans une maison avec ces humains est supportable avec le cataire. (I can stand living with the humans when I get catnip).

Here is some video of me in my outfit, too. The worst part of it is that she got me an XS, which fit me fine until I hit my childbearing years. I'm going to have to cut back on the hairball treats. These fur handles are just too much. I'm going to see whether the female human will play with me more, to burn off some calories. The male human just wants to cuddle all the time.

The Worst Indignity

I have tried to block this from my memory, but it persists...n'importe comment beaucoup j'essayent. Oh, and I am learning French, to explore my lineage. And to make myself more regal. Plus les humains ne me comprendra pas quand je projette mon évasion. But that will just be our little secret.

I feel so sophisticated. It makes up for my horrible dry food. Ah, comment j'aimerais un mignon de filet!