The quiet after the storm

This is me in chillout mode. And man, do I need it. The past few days have been kitty-crazy. I don't know what living in these mountains has done to my humans. Somebody put something in their water or something because all of a sudden they're all about saving the dang cats this year. First they adopt Tulip and Blossom (I like Tulip but Blossom and I are still working things out), then Twilight and Polly are allowed to come in from outside, and then Polly has her babies. All of a sudden, it's nearly impossible to just stretch out on the bed anymore.

But this week really took the cake. So there are two outdoor cats that still hang around, right? Fluffy Cat (because he's fluffy) and Mama Cat (who is really a boy, but who the stupid humans used to think was the mama of Polly and Twilight, before they knew anything). Fluffy and Mama fight all the time because they're both boys. For some time the humans have been talking about trapping them and getting them fixed. But they're busy (and lazy). But then the snow came, the female got all sentimental, the male got all "Mr. Fix It" and before you know it, Fluffy is trapped and spraying in the bathroom. They took him to the vet on Friday (after making tons of calls to the humane societies, who have paid for it all), after trapping him on Thursday. He was all kinds of noisy because they kept him in the trap all night, afraid that they wouldn't be able to get him back in if they left him out. He still had room to walk around and lie down, so he was more comfortable than he would have been out in the snow.

He leaves, and I'm all happy because the female started washing the rugs where he peed, and I'm thinking he's gone. But then in the afternoon, he comes back, and is allowed to recuperate in the bathroom from his surgery. Which means I can't lay on the warm dryer, which is my favorite thing in the world to do. And they fed him ham. Did I get ham? I don't think so. Unless I misplaced it. Maybe I misplaced my ham. Hey, have you seen my ham? NO! I didn't THINK so!

Well, he's finally gone now (they released him back outside, where he wanted to go), but the craziness will continue next week because since they are in Cat-Fixing mode, they are getting Mama Cat, too. And he is WILD. It is going to be a NOISY night when he's trapped inside. Their bathroom is gonna STINK. Ain't no amount of febreeze getting the smell outta whatever that boy sits on. Maybe they should put the trap in the bathtub overnight. I'm not gonna tell them that, though. More laundry means more warm dryers for me to sit on.

They keep saying it's because they don't want more kittens in the spring, and how it's the best thing to do for the cats to fix them, and get them tested for FIV so they don't give it to other cats, yada yada. But I think it's just an exercise in torture. I'm enjoying the quiet time now until they trap Mama Cat. It's football time, and I've got me some Cool Ranch Doritos and some Iams food. Life is good. For now.

I'm no good unless I've had my coffee

I mean, given the fact that I now live with Cat People, and a house full of furry felines, I savor any bit of rest I can get these days.

We had a sad day yesterday. The big outdoor patriarch, Big Boy, had to be put down. I never liked him much, and we batted at each other through the window; but he was a good dad to his brood, and the humans are hugely distraught, and he had FIV (kitty hiv) and I wouldn't wish that on my worst feline enemy, so I'm giving him his due respect.

I hope he's doing well in Kitty Heaven now. His daughter, Polyphony, is due in a few days, so he'll have a legacy. I know I won't get to see the kittens until they are at least a few weeks old (and I really have much too much to think about to care anyway) but I suppose I will be able to bring myself to show at least a little bit of interest. They might be somewhat cuddly.

My new perch

Here I am looking dreamy and distant in my new perch in my new house. Almost the entire house has my scent around it now, which is comforting. And I can take some time to rest and stare out the window now that settling-in work is getting finished.

I'm trying to perfect my dreamy and distant pose because I live in constant hope that Anna Wintour will start a Kitty Vogue and I'd just love to be a cover cat. Especially now that I know I'm French, it has only confirmed my belief that I am cut out for a much grander life than the one I'm living now. I dream of crazy catnip parties, excellent wet food at all hours, and no humans trying to cuddle with me.

I have met one of the local-yokel cats who live in my new neighborhood. The Little Black Cat comes and hangs around on the deck outside. He sticks his little head right up to the glass front door, and the other day my female human didn't even realize he was here - she thought he was a reflection of me in the glass (goes to show she can't appreciate my beauty). So he and I jumped up and down a few times - I made my tail puffy to show him who he's messing with - and he did some stupid cat thing where he ran into the glass trying to get to me. Dumb*ss.

Why, oh why, couldn't the humans taken me to New York or somewhere that has the class and culture deserving of my presence? But no, they just keep thinking of more and more ways to degrade the wonder that is me.

Someday they'll learn.

The cat next door

There are lots of neighborhood cats where I am being held. Sometimes I look out the window at them and try to communicate with them about how I am held captive, and I ask them to bring help. One time my female human caught me planning with a gray cat through the window. She thought it was cute and further degraded me by telling the male human that I had a "boyfriend" and then tried to cuddle me.

One of these cats seems to be getting ready to invade. The one they call Calico has been sitting on the wall outside and looking through the window for the past three weeks. They go out and feed her, and she crawls all over them, purring and snuggling. Apparently she's cold and hungry outside, and is hoping that they'll bring her in, which they seem to be considering.

While part of me thinks it would be good to have a fellow captive around, to help plan my escape on the off-chance that they leave the door open when bringing in the groceries, I just don't think I can abide by this blatant disregard of my demands and needs. For better or for worse, this is my territory, and I can't have strange cats coming in and rubbing themselves all over it.

They brought her in for a few hours the other night, and she freaked out and they let her go back outside. Still, for an hour she was on my chair and my futon. I made my displeasure known by hissing and growling at her through the closed door.

So anyway, we'll have to see how this situation develops. I had hoped that they had already thought of all the ways to torment me. Apparently that hope was in vain.