Bad Day

I'm recovering from a Bad Day. All in the space of three minutes I got my nails stuck in my male human's sweater, and then while I was stuck, Polly the Mean came and attacked me. My fur went flying and I couldn't get loose to fight back because of being stuck on the male human's sweater. The male human scared Polly the Mean away, and my mommy came to calm me down because I was hissing like crazy. I growled a little bit and tried to get away, but mommy held me and petted me and whispered to me that it would be ok, and then she gave me catnip and stayed with me for about 20 minutes and petted me while the male human yelled at Polly the Mean. She didn't get any catnip. Blossom and I got catnip and got slightly loopy off of it. I spent the rest of the day in a mild stupor and now I'm just sitting on the top of a bookcase while my humans watch tv. They're watching a Will Ferrell movie, and that humor is below my standards, but I'm subjecting myself to it anyway just so I can be in the living room where it's warm. The humans have told me I can sleep with them alone tonight so I'm looking forward to a restful night. This whole living with other cats thing really stinks sometimes. I miss the Beginning when I just lived with mommy and before she met the male human and then they got all these other cats. It was nice and quiet living just with mommy. It was kind of boring, though, I guess. I'll feel better after a good night's sleep.

No, this is not me enjoying cuddling on a snowy day

It was photoshopped, I swear it. I never would willingly lay down on a fluffy unmade bed with at least two or three other kittens, taking a nap while there's snow outside. There's no way I would do that. Somebody took this picture and then added me in. I'd sue, but I'm only a cat, and despite the success of Bee Movie, where the bee sues humans, Jerry Seinfeld lives in a different world than the rest of us, so I'm not holding my breath that my meow-recognition software would hold up in drafting a legal brief.

Did anybody catch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel on Superbowl Sunday? My humans did something they call "tivo" to it. I don't know what that means exactly, but somehow we watched it. Those puppies sure were kinda dumb. But then the Kitty Halftime Show just really ticked me off. Mostly because it was giving ideas to the kittens who live in the house with me, and suddenly they got all playful and wanted to sniff me. Just because I've stopped hissing at them every minute of the day, they seem to think I want to be friends, and show up looking all eager for a bath. Harumph. Like I'm gonna give those mountain kittens a bath. I'm French, for pete's sake! I don't do baths unless they are scented with Chanel.

My humans are still snowed in, which means that they're getting all antsy and want to play with me, too. My female human had the nerve to pick me up today, hold me like a baby, and scratch my tummy. I mean, the nerve. I'm the oldest cat in this household, and have the most seniority. I should not be treated like an infant. There really is no end to the indignity that I suffer in this house. And now this stupid picture surfaces of what appears to be me cuddling with cats. I will never live this down.

The one bright spot is that the human has planted fresh catnip, which means in a few days I'll have all I can hold of my drug of choice. Mmmmm. Catnip. I can hardly wait.

My new favorite food

My female human made a strawberry smoothie today with strawberries, ice, milk and ice cream. I sniffed it and decided I liked it as much as I did the last time she made one, so I ate a little bit she put on a plate for me. My other favorite food lately is dry rice krispies. I didn't want any chicken tonight, though. Just rice krispies and strawberry smoothie. The foods no one else likes to eat, so I don't get bothered by other people trying to eat my food.

I have such cultured tastes.

The Breeze litter system (and strawberry smoothies)

My female human has been checking out the Breeze litter system at Target for a couple of months now, intrigued by its promise of odor control and no tracking. She gets really upset when she's walking around barefoot and feels litter underneath. It really sets her off. So a few weeks ago, we all started getting "transitioned" to the Breeze, which is essentially a two level thing. These non-absorbent pellets let our liquid go down into the bottom level where a piddle-pad picks it up and keeps it from smelling. The solid stuff stays on top in the pellets just like litter. I guess the final changeover is happening this week. Up till now she's kept some litter boxes around in case one of us refuses to use the Breeze. But now we have four Breezes hanging around, and the female is officially telling us she's getting rid of the litter tomorrow, so we'd better enjoy it while we can.

I am having a good time playing around in it. She tells me that when I was a kitten I didn't know how to use the litter box yet and I just played around and felt the litter between my paws and scratched in it. She tells me I was very cute. Whatever.

So we're all a little weirded out by this Breeze thing, but it seems to be ok. If it keeps the human from going around with a little dustbrush and pan all the time, cleaning up my beautiful artistic litter creations, then I'll be ok with it.
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I have discovered my new favorite treat - strawberry smoothies! Oh, they are yummy. My human made one the other day with strawberries, ice, milk and a little bit of sugar and banana. I drank all the leftover in the blender container thing as it was sitting in the sink. She didn't know, and kept wondering what happened, but then as it turned out, some of it got stuck on my face, so it gave the whole thing away, which made me mad. Anyway, I'm a big fan of blenders and smoothies.

A break from my normal complaints

I was going to complain about my new litter system today (and people don't think that cats live adventurous lives!) but my human heard a podcast from NPR that made her cry, and convinced me to share it with you. I would never admit to crying over a silly cat story, but I did get some allergic thing going on when I heard it, and some non-tears which I had to wipe away with my paw.

Listen and think what you will about it. My human hugged us all pretty tightly after hearing it, so if you have something furry around, you might want to have it close by. But then again, my human gets weepy over everything. You should have seen her during last week's inauguration.

Hibernating

I'm a bit gloomy this time of year. The Holidays are over, which means that I'm not going to be getting any leftover turkey for a while, it's still cold and really windy, which is a little bit scary, and it's all just time to go into hibernation. Here I am all tucked up and warm and looking dreamy and sleepy (attention Anna Wintour: I'm still available for photo shoots - imagine me all nicely tucked up in a luxury silk blanket, and not this Target flannel thing).

I have decided to reclaim the bed. I used to lay on it all the time, but then all the other cats came, and it was all confusion in terms of what territory belonged to whom. But there's no reason why I can't have the bed with the nice window, too. I shouldn't have to stay up in the attic all the time. True, it's really warm up there, and there's a giant kitty hotel with like 10 cubicles stacked on top of each other, but nothing compares to the nice warm bed. Additionally, the humans let me sleep with them alone most nights now. They started closing the bedroom door because the kittens drove them nuts wanting to play all the time, so at bedtime they always clear out all the other cats and let me stay in with them for some quality Princess Bonding Time. It's nice. I always get a good eight hours, and I get to cuddle with them in their sleep, when they won't know or remember, so I won't lose my reputation for being moody.

The quiet after the storm

This is me in chillout mode. And man, do I need it. The past few days have been kitty-crazy. I don't know what living in these mountains has done to my humans. Somebody put something in their water or something because all of a sudden they're all about saving the dang cats this year. First they adopt Tulip and Blossom (I like Tulip but Blossom and I are still working things out), then Twilight and Polly are allowed to come in from outside, and then Polly has her babies. All of a sudden, it's nearly impossible to just stretch out on the bed anymore.

But this week really took the cake. So there are two outdoor cats that still hang around, right? Fluffy Cat (because he's fluffy) and Mama Cat (who is really a boy, but who the stupid humans used to think was the mama of Polly and Twilight, before they knew anything). Fluffy and Mama fight all the time because they're both boys. For some time the humans have been talking about trapping them and getting them fixed. But they're busy (and lazy). But then the snow came, the female got all sentimental, the male got all "Mr. Fix It" and before you know it, Fluffy is trapped and spraying in the bathroom. They took him to the vet on Friday (after making tons of calls to the humane societies, who have paid for it all), after trapping him on Thursday. He was all kinds of noisy because they kept him in the trap all night, afraid that they wouldn't be able to get him back in if they left him out. He still had room to walk around and lie down, so he was more comfortable than he would have been out in the snow.

He leaves, and I'm all happy because the female started washing the rugs where he peed, and I'm thinking he's gone. But then in the afternoon, he comes back, and is allowed to recuperate in the bathroom from his surgery. Which means I can't lay on the warm dryer, which is my favorite thing in the world to do. And they fed him ham. Did I get ham? I don't think so. Unless I misplaced it. Maybe I misplaced my ham. Hey, have you seen my ham? NO! I didn't THINK so!

Well, he's finally gone now (they released him back outside, where he wanted to go), but the craziness will continue next week because since they are in Cat-Fixing mode, they are getting Mama Cat, too. And he is WILD. It is going to be a NOISY night when he's trapped inside. Their bathroom is gonna STINK. Ain't no amount of febreeze getting the smell outta whatever that boy sits on. Maybe they should put the trap in the bathtub overnight. I'm not gonna tell them that, though. More laundry means more warm dryers for me to sit on.

They keep saying it's because they don't want more kittens in the spring, and how it's the best thing to do for the cats to fix them, and get them tested for FIV so they don't give it to other cats, yada yada. But I think it's just an exercise in torture. I'm enjoying the quiet time now until they trap Mama Cat. It's football time, and I've got me some Cool Ranch Doritos and some Iams food. Life is good. For now.