Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Anyway, things are poking along like normal here. I haven't been fighting as much with Polly as normal. I think I'm getting bored with it. I'm looking forward to the holidays, though, as there will surely be lots of leftover turkey for yours truly. The only thing that made me mad today was that my human gave a can of tuna to an outside cat. I would have loved to have a lick or three of tuna, but she said no. She said that I was lucky that I didn't have to live outside and I had a nice warm bed and regular food, so I could just live with not having tuna, and for the outside cat it might be a really big deal and help keep him warm. I stuck my nose up at her. Mean lady.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I helped my female human fold her socks tonight. I was feeling bored and thought I would be helpful because it's a nice thing to do. Also, I had a lot of catnip, so I wasn't really myself. You can't hold it against me.
My female human was away for a week, on and off, and I really missed her. I'd never let her know it though. I've just been following her around. Being cool, but, you know, close too.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Other news...there's been a giant animal hanging around. I'd never seen anything like it before. The humans called it a bear. It went through the garbage, which made me a little nervous. It's just a wee bit embarrassing to have a stranger going through your garbage like that. He then ate the food on the deck that the humans had put out for the outside cats. Then he just laid down and rested, the way I do. Polly growled at him through the window, but I didn't. I'm smart enough to know that you don't pick a fight with an animal that's like 50 times bigger than you are. Polly's pretty stupid sometimes. She picks fights with everything. But I would have thought she was smarter than to growl at a bear. What's he going to do, get scared of a little cat? I did the sensible thing when I saw it - I ran and hid under the bed. I'd rather he not know I was around, you know? He might look at my gorgeous coat and think that he could use me for extra fuel while hibernating. And I don't want to be bear food.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
I'm happy because it's the new season of So You Think You Can Dance, which is my favorite show. I do a lot of fancy footwork when I'm chasing the laser pointer, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I could make it through to Vegas in the first round.
I'm enjoying springtime. There are lots of fun spiders moving inside, and the kittens and I are having a really fun time chasing them. Also, the other day, there was a giant ant making his way across the living room floor. We all took turns batting at him until the female human came and screamed and calle for the male human to kill it. Bummer. We really wanted to keep playing with it.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
First off, my human gets a neck/shoulder injury and winds up spending a week totally high on vicodin, muscle relaxants, and anti-inflammatory meds. Which means that I have no one to transcribe my pleas of help to the outside world. Then I started fighting with Polly more. You know, I'm just sick of her. And I'm showing her. The other day I trapped her in the bathroom by plopping myself right at the door, and whenever she tried to get past me, I hissed. Well, the male human saw this, and he had the nerve to lift me up, and without the proper grace that I require, and he actually yelled at me for it. So now I'm refusing to give him any love.
Although I did crawl into bed with them the other night when no one was around and slept in between their feet for a good 4 hours or so.
But as far as anyone is concerned, I'm fed up. My male human cancelled a bunch of my favorite tv channels the other day. Here he was, talking to the female, all "you know, we never watch these channels above 1000...let's call and cancel and it'll cut our bill by like $40" and she agrees. Did anybody ever ask me whether I care about the NHL channel? Listen, I like to watch grown men on ice fighting and spilling blood as much as anybody else. What do they think I DO all night while they're asleep? I've gotta stay occupied somehow, and since they refuse to let me fight with Polly, I need to watch the next best thing.
And my female human won't take me for walks anymore. She keeps saying she might, but the other day, she was out in her garden, and she took Twilight out. Without a leash. She said that it was ok because Twilight was one of the outdoor cats who moved in last year, and she stays on the porch with the human after having her ritualistic exploration under the deck where she used to live, and she won't run off. Well did anybody ever ask me whether I'd run off? No! Oh, I seethed, watching Twilight roll around in the ivy and scratch trees. The female human is all "oh, Wrigley's never lived outside, she might run off and get hit by a car," and all that crap. Well how does she know? Just because she's known me since I was three weeks old doesn't mean anything. I could have lived outside before then. I didn't. But I could have. She doesn't know, that's the point. Yet she assumes she knows.
Oh, I'm mad right now.
The one upside was that they gave me special kitty-milk they got at a place called Petsmart the other day. I really loved it. But then I threw it up. So now they're saying they might not give it to me again. Look, there were plenty of times when I saw the female human throwing up after she drank too much of something in a glass with a stem, but did she stop bringing those bottles home? Did I ever say "Oh, no more of this pinot for you, female human!" Nope, I just encouraged her to not drink to the point of throwing up, and now she's fine. It will just take me some time to get used to how much kitty-milk I can handle! We're at a high altitude now, which I've heard makes a difference in the effects of liquid refreshments. I sure hope I get kitty-milk again. I love that kitty-milk.
Monday, May 4, 2009
And here's something else. There are all these birds around, right? And we all want to chase them. So she tells me she'll let me go outside, and I get all dressed up and excited, and get my bird-catching shoes ready, and she carries me outside, and when she puts me down I realize that I am on a leash. A leash! Like a dog! Well. I am not a dog, I told her. I am a regal cat, to be worshipped, and not to be put on a leash. "Take this leash off at once, human," I demanded. But she didn't. Oh, it was horrible. All the other cats saw. They all are calling me Fido now. Someday I shall sneak up on my human when she sleeps and put a flash bulb in her face and see how she likes it. Oh, it is just too humiliating for words.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Instead I'm hanging out on the floor, rolling around in these wonderful cloth catnip bars that the female human bought for me at her favorite place called Target. Oh, I love them! I chase them around the house, I bat at them, and sometimes I just lay on top of them and absorb all the cat-nippy goodness inside. The other cats act strange around catnip. Polly just wants to roll her head in it. Blossom licks her belly. And Lewis Hamilton, one of the kittens, gets all affectionate and tries to sit on everyone. Me, I'm just chill. You know, watching some movie with Seth Rogan and playing some video games and eating a lot of dry food. Nothing bothers me when I have a catnip bar handy. Man, life is good today! Springtime and catnip and open windows with nice breezes. What more can you ask for?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Did anybody catch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel on Superbowl Sunday? My humans did something they call "tivo" to it. I don't know what that means exactly, but somehow we watched it. Those puppies sure were kinda dumb. But then the Kitty Halftime Show just really ticked me off. Mostly because it was giving ideas to the kittens who live in the house with me, and suddenly they got all playful and wanted to sniff me. Just because I've stopped hissing at them every minute of the day, they seem to think I want to be friends, and show up looking all eager for a bath. Harumph. Like I'm gonna give those mountain kittens a bath. I'm French, for pete's sake! I don't do baths unless they are scented with Chanel.
My humans are still snowed in, which means that they're getting all antsy and want to play with me, too. My female human had the nerve to pick me up today, hold me like a baby, and scratch my tummy. I mean, the nerve. I'm the oldest cat in this household, and have the most seniority. I should not be treated like an infant. There really is no end to the indignity that I suffer in this house. And now this stupid picture surfaces of what appears to be me cuddling with cats. I will never live this down.
The one bright spot is that the human has planted fresh catnip, which means in a few days I'll have all I can hold of my drug of choice. Mmmmm. Catnip. I can hardly wait.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I have such cultured tastes.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I am having a good time playing around in it. She tells me that when I was a kitten I didn't know how to use the litter box yet and I just played around and felt the litter between my paws and scratched in it. She tells me I was very cute. Whatever.
So we're all a little weirded out by this Breeze thing, but it seems to be ok. If it keeps the human from going around with a little dustbrush and pan all the time, cleaning up my beautiful artistic litter creations, then I'll be ok with it.
I have discovered my new favorite treat - strawberry smoothies! Oh, they are yummy. My human made one the other day with strawberries, ice, milk and a little bit of sugar and banana. I drank all the leftover in the blender container thing as it was sitting in the sink. She didn't know, and kept wondering what happened, but then as it turned out, some of it got stuck on my face, so it gave the whole thing away, which made me mad. Anyway, I'm a big fan of blenders and smoothies.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Listen and think what you will about it. My human hugged us all pretty tightly after hearing it, so if you have something furry around, you might want to have it close by. But then again, my human gets weepy over everything. You should have seen her during last week's inauguration.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I have decided to reclaim the bed. I used to lay on it all the time, but then all the other cats came, and it was all confusion in terms of what territory belonged to whom. But there's no reason why I can't have the bed with the nice window, too. I shouldn't have to stay up in the attic all the time. True, it's really warm up there, and there's a giant kitty hotel with like 10 cubicles stacked on top of each other, but nothing compares to the nice warm bed. Additionally, the humans let me sleep with them alone most nights now. They started closing the bedroom door because the kittens drove them nuts wanting to play all the time, so at bedtime they always clear out all the other cats and let me stay in with them for some quality Princess Bonding Time. It's nice. I always get a good eight hours, and I get to cuddle with them in their sleep, when they won't know or remember, so I won't lose my reputation for being moody.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
But this week really took the cake. So there are two outdoor cats that still hang around, right? Fluffy Cat (because he's fluffy) and Mama Cat (who is really a boy, but who the stupid humans used to think was the mama of Polly and Twilight, before they knew anything). Fluffy and Mama fight all the time because they're both boys. For some time the humans have been talking about trapping them and getting them fixed. But they're busy (and lazy). But then the snow came, the female got all sentimental, the male got all "Mr. Fix It" and before you know it, Fluffy is trapped and spraying in the bathroom. They took him to the vet on Friday (after making tons of calls to the humane societies, who have paid for it all), after trapping him on Thursday. He was all kinds of noisy because they kept him in the trap all night, afraid that they wouldn't be able to get him back in if they left him out. He still had room to walk around and lie down, so he was more comfortable than he would have been out in the snow.
He leaves, and I'm all happy because the female started washing the rugs where he peed, and I'm thinking he's gone. But then in the afternoon, he comes back, and is allowed to recuperate in the bathroom from his surgery. Which means I can't lay on the warm dryer, which is my favorite thing in the world to do. And they fed him ham. Did I get ham? I don't think so. Unless I misplaced it. Maybe I misplaced my ham. Hey, have you seen my ham? NO! I didn't THINK so!
Well, he's finally gone now (they released him back outside, where he wanted to go), but the craziness will continue next week because since they are in Cat-Fixing mode, they are getting Mama Cat, too. And he is WILD. It is going to be a NOISY night when he's trapped inside. Their bathroom is gonna STINK. Ain't no amount of febreeze getting the smell outta whatever that boy sits on. Maybe they should put the trap in the bathtub overnight. I'm not gonna tell them that, though. More laundry means more warm dryers for me to sit on.
They keep saying it's because they don't want more kittens in the spring, and how it's the best thing to do for the cats to fix them, and get them tested for FIV so they don't give it to other cats, yada yada. But I think it's just an exercise in torture. I'm enjoying the quiet time now until they trap Mama Cat. It's football time, and I've got me some Cool Ranch Doritos and some Iams food. Life is good. For now.