Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

For my adoring fans... I have suffered the indignity and embarrassment of putting on a Mrs. Claus outfit, which, I must say, looks very pretty against my gray fur. Even so, I have suffered this torture in order to send you festive holiday greetings. We are having turkey tomorrow. Mmmm. I can't wait! And the female human has promised us all a few bites of wet food as a special Christmas treat. And I might go crazy and get some catnip. Yummmm! Hopefully you all have an equally wonderful holiday!


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Fall Fashions

This is me modeling my newest Fall Fashion, a lovely warm scarf with mittens on the end for when my paws get cold. I'm warm and cozy, and I think the color looks just great on my gray coat. Man, I'm snazzy. I might go out tonight, just to show off my great new outfit. It even secures with velcro, so I can get it off easily when I'm tired of it. My female human got it at her regular haunt, Target, but she told me it was Gucci so I would wear it. I only realized after she took it off me and I saw the label. I'm trying to not be a label snob, though.

Anyway, things are poking along like normal here. I haven't been fighting as much with Polly as normal. I think I'm getting bored with it. I'm looking forward to the holidays, though, as there will surely be lots of leftover turkey for yours truly. The only thing that made me mad today was that my human gave a can of tuna to an outside cat. I would have loved to have a lick or three of tuna, but she said no. She said that I was lucky that I didn't have to live outside and I had a nice warm bed and regular food, so I could just live with not having tuna, and for the outside cat it might be a really big deal and help keep him warm. I stuck my nose up at her. Mean lady.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


I know you all think I've deserted you. I haven't. My humans have just kept me busy doing autumnal activities like carving pumpkins.

A few weeks ago we had quite the episode. The back door blew open while the male human was working outside and going in and out, so hadn't latched it. We all went outside. All nine of us. We went all kinds of places. Well, some cats were scared and just went under the deck. I went for a wander around the forest and smelled lots of new things. But after about two or three hours I decided to come home for dinner. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I had forgotten just how vile it is being a prisoner.

My fur got messed up, which was a bummer, but it was worth it to go outside for a while. Unfortunately that will never happen again because the male human is absolutely insane about latching the door now. And to make matters worse, it's cold which means that I can't lay by the screen door and gaze outside any longer. The upside is that I get to lay by a fireplace, but that's a poor consolation prize...

Thursday, September 3, 2009

helped fold laundry

I helped my female human fold her socks tonight. I was feeling bored and thought I would be helpful because it's a nice thing to do. Also, I had a lot of catnip, so I wasn't really myself. You can't hold it against me.

My female human was away for a week, on and off, and I really missed her. I'd never let her know it though. I've just been following her around. Being cool, but, you know, close too.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Snuggly Kitty

The other day my male human was putting his clean laundry away (he remembers to do that sometimes) and he left his tshirt drawer open. It looked like a snuggly place that I could get to and be alone and away from everyone, so I made myself at home and took a nice long nap in there.

Other news...there's been a giant animal hanging around. I'd never seen anything like it before. The humans called it a bear. It went through the garbage, which made me a little nervous. It's just a wee bit embarrassing to have a stranger going through your garbage like that. He then ate the food on the deck that the humans had put out for the outside cats. Then he just laid down and rested, the way I do. Polly growled at him through the window, but I didn't. I'm smart enough to know that you don't pick a fight with an animal that's like 50 times bigger than you are. Polly's pretty stupid sometimes. She picks fights with everything. But I would have thought she was smarter than to growl at a bear. What's he going to do, get scared of a little cat? I did the sensible thing when I saw it - I ran and hid under the bed. I'd rather he not know I was around, you know? He might look at my gorgeous coat and think that he could use me for extra fuel while hibernating. And I don't want to be bear food.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Look Who's Being Friendly

Yes indeed, this is me laying in close proximity to two other cats - Tulip and Twilight, who are beginning to annoy me less now that I've lived with them for over a year.
It's been a very busy month for me. My humans had visitors for several weeks in June, so there were more people in the house than normal; however, some of them did take the time to worship me as is befitting my beauty and status.
Then my female human got addicted to a computer game and spent every free moment for several weeks playing, which made me really mad because she didn't have time to set up my meow-recognition software for me. She finally quit, so now I'm blogging.
I've started playing with the kittens more, now that they aren't babies. I don't think I'm very maternal because babies freak me out. Maybe it's just other people's babies that freak me out. Either way, I guess I never have to worry about it because I'm fixed. But anyway, I've been playing with the kittens almost every day now. We chase sticks together, and sometimes we pretend fight. I put my ears back, just to scare them, but whenever they get too close to attacking me, I run away rather than hurt them. I also share my treats with them sometimes. Not very often, but occasionally.
The humans got an air conditioner the other day, and we've all been enjoying laying around on the chair in front of it. Some of the cats get too close to me, but there's no way I'm giving up my spot right in the air flow, so I just let them say close and don't pay attention to them.
I'm having a pretty happy summer so far, all in all.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Afternoon naps

Here I am taking a lovely Sunday afternoon nap, comfy in my unmade bed. My female human was outside gardening, and took this picture through the window. I'm pretty adorable, if I do say so myself.

I'm happy because it's the new season of So You Think You Can Dance, which is my favorite show. I do a lot of fancy footwork when I'm chasing the laser pointer, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I could make it through to Vegas in the first round.

I'm enjoying springtime. There are lots of fun spiders moving inside, and the kittens and I are having a really fun time chasing them. Also, the other day, there was a giant ant making his way across the living room floor. We all took turns batting at him until the female human came and screamed and calle for the male human to kill it. Bummer. We really wanted to keep playing with it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Mean Wrigley

This is me, in my Mean Mood. You can't tell it from the picture, but I'm buried under a bunch of pillows on the one side. It was a place of safety and warmth, and I'm in need of both of those lately.

First off, my human gets a neck/shoulder injury and winds up spending a week totally high on vicodin, muscle relaxants, and anti-inflammatory meds. Which means that I have no one to transcribe my pleas of help to the outside world. Then I started fighting with Polly more. You know, I'm just sick of her. And I'm showing her. The other day I trapped her in the bathroom by plopping myself right at the door, and whenever she tried to get past me, I hissed. Well, the male human saw this, and he had the nerve to lift me up, and without the proper grace that I require, and he actually yelled at me for it. So now I'm refusing to give him any love.

Although I did crawl into bed with them the other night when no one was around and slept in between their feet for a good 4 hours or so.

But as far as anyone is concerned, I'm fed up. My male human cancelled a bunch of my favorite tv channels the other day. Here he was, talking to the female, all "you know, we never watch these channels above 1000...let's call and cancel and it'll cut our bill by like $40" and she agrees. Did anybody ever ask me whether I care about the NHL channel? Listen, I like to watch grown men on ice fighting and spilling blood as much as anybody else. What do they think I DO all night while they're asleep? I've gotta stay occupied somehow, and since they refuse to let me fight with Polly, I need to watch the next best thing.

And my female human won't take me for walks anymore. She keeps saying she might, but the other day, she was out in her garden, and she took Twilight out. Without a leash. She said that it was ok because Twilight was one of the outdoor cats who moved in last year, and she stays on the porch with the human after having her ritualistic exploration under the deck where she used to live, and she won't run off. Well did anybody ever ask me whether I'd run off? No! Oh, I seethed, watching Twilight roll around in the ivy and scratch trees. The female human is all "oh, Wrigley's never lived outside, she might run off and get hit by a car," and all that crap. Well how does she know? Just because she's known me since I was three weeks old doesn't mean anything. I could have lived outside before then. I didn't. But I could have. She doesn't know, that's the point. Yet she assumes she knows.

Oh, I'm mad right now.

The one upside was that they gave me special kitty-milk they got at a place called Petsmart the other day. I really loved it. But then I threw it up. So now they're saying they might not give it to me again. Look, there were plenty of times when I saw the female human throwing up after she drank too much of something in a glass with a stem, but did she stop bringing those bottles home? Did I ever say "Oh, no more of this pinot for you, female human!" Nope, I just encouraged her to not drink to the point of throwing up, and now she's fine. It will just take me some time to get used to how much kitty-milk I can handle! We're at a high altitude now, which I've heard makes a difference in the effects of liquid refreshments. I sure hope I get kitty-milk again. I love that kitty-milk.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Nap Time

Tulip and I were napping, and yeah, we might have been snuggling a teensy little bit...whatever..and then we were rudely awakened by our female human, and a bright flash. I am not surprised that the kittens can't seem to learn any good manners when I look at the example the female human sets. Sneaking up on cuddling cats and waking them up just to take a picture. The nerve of that woman.

And here's something else. There are all these birds around, right? And we all want to chase them. So she tells me she'll let me go outside, and I get all dressed up and excited, and get my bird-catching shoes ready, and she carries me outside, and when she puts me down I realize that I am on a leash. A leash! Like a dog! Well. I am not a dog, I told her. I am a regal cat, to be worshipped, and not to be put on a leash. "Take this leash off at once, human," I demanded. But she didn't. Oh, it was horrible. All the other cats saw. They all are calling me Fido now. Someday I shall sneak up on my human when she sleeps and put a flash bulb in her face and see how she likes it. Oh, it is just too humiliating for words.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sometimes you just have to hide from the world

I had a Big Adventure this week, and I'm recovering now. The female human took me outside to play a little bit in the forest last evening at twilight, and it was so much fun. She carried me in her arms until we got to an open space - I never knew we lived so close to a big forest, but apparently we are only two houses away. At the open space she put me down and stayed with me while I walked around and sniffed everything. I smelled all the plants, I scratched a tree, I dug around in some dirt, and I jumped onto some rocks. It was so awesome. But then it got dark, and the human was worried she wouldn't be able to see me and I could get away, so she picked me back up and took me home.
When I got home all the other cats crowded around sniffing me, which I wasn't particularly happy about. They all were asking how come I got to go outside, and did I do something special or was it my birthday or something? I said maybe I was just cuter than them. Now Blossom is standing at the door howling at it. But the humans won't let her out. Me, I'm just laying here recovering from my time outside and remembering how much fun it was. The female human has said that if she can find my leash, she might take me out to play when she works in her garden. I sure hope she finds it!
If Anna Wintour could see me outside in the gorgeous greenery, I just know she'd put me on the cover of Kitty Vogue!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Everything is ok with my catnip bars

It's springtime, so there are lots of birds outside that I want to chase.

Instead I'm hanging out on the floor, rolling around in these wonderful cloth catnip bars that the female human bought for me at her favorite place called Target. Oh, I love them! I chase them around the house, I bat at them, and sometimes I just lay on top of them and absorb all the cat-nippy goodness inside. The other cats act strange around catnip. Polly just wants to roll her head in it. Blossom licks her belly. And Lewis Hamilton, one of the kittens, gets all affectionate and tries to sit on everyone. Me, I'm just chill. You know, watching some movie with Seth Rogan and playing some video games and eating a lot of dry food. Nothing bothers me when I have a catnip bar handy. Man, life is good today! Springtime and catnip and open windows with nice breezes. What more can you ask for?

Monday, March 23, 2009

Every girl needs a place to primp

I got an early Christmas present today... a place to primp and pluck my eyebrows and stuff like that. The other day my mom noticed that I was having a lot of fun playing with myself in front of her full length mirror. I didn't realize it was me at first. I just saw this gorgeous and stunning cat that looked friendly enough, and didn't look like it was going to attack me, so I went up and sniffed it, and I just smelled myself. It was sooooo cool. I thought I'd found my long-lost twin sister! But when I looked behind the mirror, there was no one there. Then I thought it was some freaky "Through the Looking Glass" thing, but then mommy came up behind me, and I noticed that she was also finding her twin sister in the glass, but she didn't seem that excited. Then she started making me dance, and I realized that my long-lost sister was also dancing. It was just too fascinating. She was just so beautiful, doing this belly dance to techno music. I was like, "man, if I'm as cute as she is, I must be some kinda gorgeous!" I just didn't want to leave. I was having all kinds of deep conversations with my long lost twin. So then mommy moved this other magic looking glass thing to my favorite nap spot, so I can look into it while I'm falling asleep and have dreamy slumber party girl talk with my long lost twin. And I can also admire just how gorgeous I am. But I'm a little worried - I'm already four and a half years old. My peak years to be on the cover of Kitty Vogue are going to be coming and going soon. Why won't Anna Wintour offer me a cover? What can I do?

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Bad Day

I'm recovering from a Bad Day. All in the space of three minutes I got my nails stuck in my male human's sweater, and then while I was stuck, Polly the Mean came and attacked me. My fur went flying and I couldn't get loose to fight back because of being stuck on the male human's sweater. The male human scared Polly the Mean away, and my mommy came to calm me down because I was hissing like crazy. I growled a little bit and tried to get away, but mommy held me and petted me and whispered to me that it would be ok, and then she gave me catnip and stayed with me for about 20 minutes and petted me while the male human yelled at Polly the Mean. She didn't get any catnip. Blossom and I got catnip and got slightly loopy off of it. I spent the rest of the day in a mild stupor and now I'm just sitting on the top of a bookcase while my humans watch tv. They're watching a Will Ferrell movie, and that humor is below my standards, but I'm subjecting myself to it anyway just so I can be in the living room where it's warm. The humans have told me I can sleep with them alone tonight so I'm looking forward to a restful night. This whole living with other cats thing really stinks sometimes. I miss the Beginning when I just lived with mommy and before she met the male human and then they got all these other cats. It was nice and quiet living just with mommy. It was kind of boring, though, I guess. I'll feel better after a good night's sleep.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

No, this is not me enjoying cuddling on a snowy day

It was photoshopped, I swear it. I never would willingly lay down on a fluffy unmade bed with at least two or three other kittens, taking a nap while there's snow outside. There's no way I would do that. Somebody took this picture and then added me in. I'd sue, but I'm only a cat, and despite the success of Bee Movie, where the bee sues humans, Jerry Seinfeld lives in a different world than the rest of us, so I'm not holding my breath that my meow-recognition software would hold up in drafting a legal brief.

Did anybody catch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel on Superbowl Sunday? My humans did something they call "tivo" to it. I don't know what that means exactly, but somehow we watched it. Those puppies sure were kinda dumb. But then the Kitty Halftime Show just really ticked me off. Mostly because it was giving ideas to the kittens who live in the house with me, and suddenly they got all playful and wanted to sniff me. Just because I've stopped hissing at them every minute of the day, they seem to think I want to be friends, and show up looking all eager for a bath. Harumph. Like I'm gonna give those mountain kittens a bath. I'm French, for pete's sake! I don't do baths unless they are scented with Chanel.

My humans are still snowed in, which means that they're getting all antsy and want to play with me, too. My female human had the nerve to pick me up today, hold me like a baby, and scratch my tummy. I mean, the nerve. I'm the oldest cat in this household, and have the most seniority. I should not be treated like an infant. There really is no end to the indignity that I suffer in this house. And now this stupid picture surfaces of what appears to be me cuddling with cats. I will never live this down.

The one bright spot is that the human has planted fresh catnip, which means in a few days I'll have all I can hold of my drug of choice. Mmmmm. Catnip. I can hardly wait.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

My new favorite food

My female human made a strawberry smoothie today with strawberries, ice, milk and ice cream. I sniffed it and decided I liked it as much as I did the last time she made one, so I ate a little bit she put on a plate for me. My other favorite food lately is dry rice krispies. I didn't want any chicken tonight, though. Just rice krispies and strawberry smoothie. The foods no one else likes to eat, so I don't get bothered by other people trying to eat my food.

I have such cultured tastes.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

The Breeze litter system (and strawberry smoothies)

My female human has been checking out the Breeze litter system at Target for a couple of months now, intrigued by its promise of odor control and no tracking. She gets really upset when she's walking around barefoot and feels litter underneath. It really sets her off. So a few weeks ago, we all started getting "transitioned" to the Breeze, which is essentially a two level thing. These non-absorbent pellets let our liquid go down into the bottom level where a piddle-pad picks it up and keeps it from smelling. The solid stuff stays on top in the pellets just like litter. I guess the final changeover is happening this week. Up till now she's kept some litter boxes around in case one of us refuses to use the Breeze. But now we have four Breezes hanging around, and the female is officially telling us she's getting rid of the litter tomorrow, so we'd better enjoy it while we can.

I am having a good time playing around in it. She tells me that when I was a kitten I didn't know how to use the litter box yet and I just played around and felt the litter between my paws and scratched in it. She tells me I was very cute. Whatever.

So we're all a little weirded out by this Breeze thing, but it seems to be ok. If it keeps the human from going around with a little dustbrush and pan all the time, cleaning up my beautiful artistic litter creations, then I'll be ok with it.
I have discovered my new favorite treat - strawberry smoothies! Oh, they are yummy. My human made one the other day with strawberries, ice, milk and a little bit of sugar and banana. I drank all the leftover in the blender container thing as it was sitting in the sink. She didn't know, and kept wondering what happened, but then as it turned out, some of it got stuck on my face, so it gave the whole thing away, which made me mad. Anyway, I'm a big fan of blenders and smoothies.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A break from my normal complaints

I was going to complain about my new litter system today (and people don't think that cats live adventurous lives!) but my human heard a podcast from NPR that made her cry, and convinced me to share it with you. I would never admit to crying over a silly cat story, but I did get some allergic thing going on when I heard it, and some non-tears which I had to wipe away with my paw.

Listen and think what you will about it. My human hugged us all pretty tightly after hearing it, so if you have something furry around, you might want to have it close by. But then again, my human gets weepy over everything. You should have seen her during last week's inauguration.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


I'm a bit gloomy this time of year. The Holidays are over, which means that I'm not going to be getting any leftover turkey for a while, it's still cold and really windy, which is a little bit scary, and it's all just time to go into hibernation. Here I am all tucked up and warm and looking dreamy and sleepy (attention Anna Wintour: I'm still available for photo shoots - imagine me all nicely tucked up in a luxury silk blanket, and not this Target flannel thing).

I have decided to reclaim the bed. I used to lay on it all the time, but then all the other cats came, and it was all confusion in terms of what territory belonged to whom. But there's no reason why I can't have the bed with the nice window, too. I shouldn't have to stay up in the attic all the time. True, it's really warm up there, and there's a giant kitty hotel with like 10 cubicles stacked on top of each other, but nothing compares to the nice warm bed. Additionally, the humans let me sleep with them alone most nights now. They started closing the bedroom door because the kittens drove them nuts wanting to play all the time, so at bedtime they always clear out all the other cats and let me stay in with them for some quality Princess Bonding Time. It's nice. I always get a good eight hours, and I get to cuddle with them in their sleep, when they won't know or remember, so I won't lose my reputation for being moody.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

The quiet after the storm

This is me in chillout mode. And man, do I need it. The past few days have been kitty-crazy. I don't know what living in these mountains has done to my humans. Somebody put something in their water or something because all of a sudden they're all about saving the dang cats this year. First they adopt Tulip and Blossom (I like Tulip but Blossom and I are still working things out), then Twilight and Polly are allowed to come in from outside, and then Polly has her babies. All of a sudden, it's nearly impossible to just stretch out on the bed anymore.

But this week really took the cake. So there are two outdoor cats that still hang around, right? Fluffy Cat (because he's fluffy) and Mama Cat (who is really a boy, but who the stupid humans used to think was the mama of Polly and Twilight, before they knew anything). Fluffy and Mama fight all the time because they're both boys. For some time the humans have been talking about trapping them and getting them fixed. But they're busy (and lazy). But then the snow came, the female got all sentimental, the male got all "Mr. Fix It" and before you know it, Fluffy is trapped and spraying in the bathroom. They took him to the vet on Friday (after making tons of calls to the humane societies, who have paid for it all), after trapping him on Thursday. He was all kinds of noisy because they kept him in the trap all night, afraid that they wouldn't be able to get him back in if they left him out. He still had room to walk around and lie down, so he was more comfortable than he would have been out in the snow.

He leaves, and I'm all happy because the female started washing the rugs where he peed, and I'm thinking he's gone. But then in the afternoon, he comes back, and is allowed to recuperate in the bathroom from his surgery. Which means I can't lay on the warm dryer, which is my favorite thing in the world to do. And they fed him ham. Did I get ham? I don't think so. Unless I misplaced it. Maybe I misplaced my ham. Hey, have you seen my ham? NO! I didn't THINK so!

Well, he's finally gone now (they released him back outside, where he wanted to go), but the craziness will continue next week because since they are in Cat-Fixing mode, they are getting Mama Cat, too. And he is WILD. It is going to be a NOISY night when he's trapped inside. Their bathroom is gonna STINK. Ain't no amount of febreeze getting the smell outta whatever that boy sits on. Maybe they should put the trap in the bathtub overnight. I'm not gonna tell them that, though. More laundry means more warm dryers for me to sit on.

They keep saying it's because they don't want more kittens in the spring, and how it's the best thing to do for the cats to fix them, and get them tested for FIV so they don't give it to other cats, yada yada. But I think it's just an exercise in torture. I'm enjoying the quiet time now until they trap Mama Cat. It's football time, and I've got me some Cool Ranch Doritos and some Iams food. Life is good. For now.