Sometimes you just have to hide from the world

I had a Big Adventure this week, and I'm recovering now. The female human took me outside to play a little bit in the forest last evening at twilight, and it was so much fun. She carried me in her arms until we got to an open space - I never knew we lived so close to a big forest, but apparently we are only two houses away. At the open space she put me down and stayed with me while I walked around and sniffed everything. I smelled all the plants, I scratched a tree, I dug around in some dirt, and I jumped onto some rocks. It was so awesome. But then it got dark, and the human was worried she wouldn't be able to see me and I could get away, so she picked me back up and took me home.

When I got home all the other cats crowded around sniffing me, which I wasn't particularly happy about. They all were asking how come I got to go outside, and did I do something special or was it my birthday or something? I said maybe I was just cuter than them. Now Blossom is standing at the door howling at it. But the humans won't let her out. Me, I'm just laying here recovering from my time outside and remembering how much fun it was. The female human has said that if she can find my leash, she might take me out to play when she works in her garden. I sure hope she finds it!

If Anna Wintour could see me outside in the gorgeous greenery, I just know she'd put me on the cover of Kitty Vogue!

Everything is ok with my catnip bars

It's springtime, so there are lots of birds outside that I want to chase.

Instead I'm hanging out on the floor, rolling around in these wonderful cloth catnip bars that the female human bought for me at her favorite place called Target. Oh, I love them! I chase them around the house, I bat at them, and sometimes I just lay on top of them and absorb all the cat-nippy goodness inside. The other cats act strange around catnip. Polly just wants to roll her head in it. Blossom licks her belly. And Lewis Hamilton, one of the kittens, gets all affectionate and tries to sit on everyone. Me, I'm just chill. You know, watching some movie with Seth Rogan and playing some video games and eating a lot of dry food. Nothing bothers me when I have a catnip bar handy. Man, life is good today! Springtime and catnip and open windows with nice breezes. What more can you ask for?

Every girl needs a place to primp

I got an early Christmas present today... a place to primp and pluck my eyebrows and stuff like that. The other day my mom noticed that I was having a lot of fun playing with myself in front of her full length mirror. I didn't realize it was me at first. I just saw this gorgeous and stunning cat that looked friendly enough, and didn't look like it was going to attack me, so I went up and sniffed it, and I just smelled myself. It was sooooo cool. I thought I'd found my long-lost twin sister! But when I looked behind the mirror, there was no one there. Then I thought it was some freaky "Through the Looking Glass" thing, but then mommy came up behind me, and I noticed that she was also finding her twin sister in the glass, but she didn't seem that excited. Then she started making me dance, and I realized that my long-lost sister was also dancing. It was just too fascinating. She was just so beautiful, doing this belly dance to techno music. I was like, "man, if I'm as cute as she is, I must be some kinda gorgeous!" I just didn't want to leave. I was having all kinds of deep conversations with my long lost twin. So then mommy moved this other magic looking glass thing to my favorite nap spot, so I can look into it while I'm falling asleep and have dreamy slumber party girl talk with my long lost twin. And I can also admire just how gorgeous I am. But I'm a little worried - I'm already four and a half years old. My peak years to be on the cover of Kitty Vogue are going to be coming and going soon. Why won't Anna Wintour offer me a cover? What can I do?

Bad Day

I'm recovering from a Bad Day. All in the space of three minutes I got my nails stuck in my male human's sweater, and then while I was stuck, Polly the Mean came and attacked me. My fur went flying and I couldn't get loose to fight back because of being stuck on the male human's sweater. The male human scared Polly the Mean away, and my mommy came to calm me down because I was hissing like crazy. I growled a little bit and tried to get away, but mommy held me and petted me and whispered to me that it would be ok, and then she gave me catnip and stayed with me for about 20 minutes and petted me while the male human yelled at Polly the Mean. She didn't get any catnip. Blossom and I got catnip and got slightly loopy off of it. I spent the rest of the day in a mild stupor and now I'm just sitting on the top of a bookcase while my humans watch tv. They're watching a Will Ferrell movie, and that humor is below my standards, but I'm subjecting myself to it anyway just so I can be in the living room where it's warm. The humans have told me I can sleep with them alone tonight so I'm looking forward to a restful night. This whole living with other cats thing really stinks sometimes. I miss the Beginning when I just lived with mommy and before she met the male human and then they got all these other cats. It was nice and quiet living just with mommy. It was kind of boring, though, I guess. I'll feel better after a good night's sleep.

No, this is not me enjoying cuddling on a snowy day

It was photoshopped, I swear it. I never would willingly lay down on a fluffy unmade bed with at least two or three other kittens, taking a nap while there's snow outside. There's no way I would do that. Somebody took this picture and then added me in. I'd sue, but I'm only a cat, and despite the success of Bee Movie, where the bee sues humans, Jerry Seinfeld lives in a different world than the rest of us, so I'm not holding my breath that my meow-recognition software would hold up in drafting a legal brief.

Did anybody catch the Puppy Bowl on the Animal Planet channel on Superbowl Sunday? My humans did something they call "tivo" to it. I don't know what that means exactly, but somehow we watched it. Those puppies sure were kinda dumb. But then the Kitty Halftime Show just really ticked me off. Mostly because it was giving ideas to the kittens who live in the house with me, and suddenly they got all playful and wanted to sniff me. Just because I've stopped hissing at them every minute of the day, they seem to think I want to be friends, and show up looking all eager for a bath. Harumph. Like I'm gonna give those mountain kittens a bath. I'm French, for pete's sake! I don't do baths unless they are scented with Chanel.

My humans are still snowed in, which means that they're getting all antsy and want to play with me, too. My female human had the nerve to pick me up today, hold me like a baby, and scratch my tummy. I mean, the nerve. I'm the oldest cat in this household, and have the most seniority. I should not be treated like an infant. There really is no end to the indignity that I suffer in this house. And now this stupid picture surfaces of what appears to be me cuddling with cats. I will never live this down.

The one bright spot is that the human has planted fresh catnip, which means in a few days I'll have all I can hold of my drug of choice. Mmmmm. Catnip. I can hardly wait.

My new favorite food

My female human made a strawberry smoothie today with strawberries, ice, milk and ice cream. I sniffed it and decided I liked it as much as I did the last time she made one, so I ate a little bit she put on a plate for me. My other favorite food lately is dry rice krispies. I didn't want any chicken tonight, though. Just rice krispies and strawberry smoothie. The foods no one else likes to eat, so I don't get bothered by other people trying to eat my food.

I have such cultured tastes.

The Breeze litter system (and strawberry smoothies)

My female human has been checking out the Breeze litter system at Target for a couple of months now, intrigued by its promise of odor control and no tracking. She gets really upset when she's walking around barefoot and feels litter underneath. It really sets her off. So a few weeks ago, we all started getting "transitioned" to the Breeze, which is essentially a two level thing. These non-absorbent pellets let our liquid go down into the bottom level where a piddle-pad picks it up and keeps it from smelling. The solid stuff stays on top in the pellets just like litter. I guess the final changeover is happening this week. Up till now she's kept some litter boxes around in case one of us refuses to use the Breeze. But now we have four Breezes hanging around, and the female is officially telling us she's getting rid of the litter tomorrow, so we'd better enjoy it while we can.

I am having a good time playing around in it. She tells me that when I was a kitten I didn't know how to use the litter box yet and I just played around and felt the litter between my paws and scratched in it. She tells me I was very cute. Whatever.

So we're all a little weirded out by this Breeze thing, but it seems to be ok. If it keeps the human from going around with a little dustbrush and pan all the time, cleaning up my beautiful artistic litter creations, then I'll be ok with it.
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I have discovered my new favorite treat - strawberry smoothies! Oh, they are yummy. My human made one the other day with strawberries, ice, milk and a little bit of sugar and banana. I drank all the leftover in the blender container thing as it was sitting in the sink. She didn't know, and kept wondering what happened, but then as it turned out, some of it got stuck on my face, so it gave the whole thing away, which made me mad. Anyway, I'm a big fan of blenders and smoothies.