I can do the festive thing sometimes. Nice hat, don't you think?

My human gave me real chicken tonight. Oh, it was heavenly! I'll wear this hat all day long for real chicken.

The humans are still snowed in, and there is wrapping paper and bows everywhere for me to play with. Life is good.

Merry Christmas to all my adoring readers. I'm thinking up some fun schemes for the New Year.

Snowed In

We are all snowed in up in the mountains, so I have finally been able to convince my human to get out my meow-recognition software and let me blog again. Honestly, she's been so lazy. And so many excuses. Holidays, visitors, blah blah. Really, it was an obsession with a video game that has kept her from letting me blog to you, my loyal readers.

So, it's Christmas time. I am hoping to get a new coat this year. My existing one has gotten a bit scratched up because I've been fighting with Polly. She's the mama of all the babies in the family. She just really gets on my nerves. When she was pregnant back in the spring, she was all b*tchy, hoarding the food and growling at us all. Now she's stressing because she hasn't lost the baby weight, and she's trying to diet, which is making her mean and grumpy. Anyone on a diet is not a nice person, or cat, to be around. And anyway, she's had four kids. I wish she'd just chill out about it. But noooo, she wants to go out and be a party girl. All these boy cats are coming around now, and she sits at the window and flirts with them, and I guess one of them called her chubby the other day, and man, did that set her off. So I have to try to put her in her place, and then she gets me with her nails, and we growl and hiss, and the whole thing gets very unpleasant. It really stresses out the humans, I can tell, but I don't care. They brought her in, they can deal with the stress of me not liking her.

But at least it's warm inside so that's nice. I have a new spot on the top of the dryer in a washbasket that's been there for a while. There's a blanket in it now, and I like to climb in there and no one can see me. It's very nice. Also, during the winter when it's snowy, I appreciate being inside. Twilight was telling me some stories about last winter, when she was outside - before the humans found her - and it was really unpleasant. She sure is grateful for being inside with a regular food supply now, and I try to keep that in mind when I get mad at Polly.

That's the news from here. I'm having a good holiday season. Thanksgiving, especially, provided me with some lovely turkey leftovers, which I very much enjoyed. I'm hoping for more at Christmas next week, too. We'll see....

Don't you wish your kitty was cute like me?

My female human has been listening to the pop stations pretending she's a teenager again, hence the blog title. I see that Tulip has written some most unflattering and completely false things about me. You can't believe anything she says. She is, after all, not the smartest kitten. She's a year old and still chases her tail. I mean, some of us grow up eventually and lose our childish habits.

I am adjusting to life with the kittens. I hissed and hissed a lot when they were first introduced, but I am finding that I can mostly just stay away from them, and play a little bit when I feel like it. I am the only one who keeps them in line, though. Everyone else is all, "oh, they're soooo cute..." and don't notice that they didn't clean their paws after using the litterbox and are dragging solid waste all around my territory. I know they're still young and will figure it out eventually, but I still don't want poop in my nap spot...

I've discovered that the laundry basket in the closet under my female humans' hanging shoe organizer is a most pleasant and cool spot, away from all of the distractions. I come out for food, and occasional exercise and petting, but other than that, I am a kitty in the closet.

A poem about the kittens

My female human wrote this poem on the kittens.

The Blissfulness of Kittendom

From a vantage point two inches off the ground
I stalk my prey
dodging and weaving
growing into my paws,
my claws.
My head heavy,
pulling me down when I try to run.

But still I press on,
slipping and sliding on the hard floor:
Alert and aware of any threatening sound
(which is to say, any new sound at all)
My tail is raised to attention,
My back is arched
and my fur -
electric.

I close in
I crawl, I creep.
The world is fresh and new
and I am a hunter
as were my ancestors, and their blood runs through me

I wait
I wait
I wait
...and

Suddenly I pounce, leaping high into the air
bouncing when I land and rising even higher
I surprise and overpower the prey.
I trap it and
the blood pulses through me and I am alive

...

And the flip flop has no idea
what
just
hit it.

I'm Tulip, and I'm Guest Blogging!

Hi there! I'm Tulip! I think Auntie Wrigley talks about me sometimes, right? I met her in February. It was so cold outside and I had to ride in a big truck with my foster-mommy, and my mommy and I shared a carrier, and it was nice because she kept me warm, but I was happy that we weren't living outside anymore. I don't really remember the Outside Days, but my mommy does, and she always tells me that I can't run out of the house if my human-mommy accidentally leaves the door open because I might get lost, and she says that I couldn't find my way back home because I'm not the smartest kitten around. I don't know exactly what that means, but I always stay inside, just like mommy tells me. Even though there are birds and squirrels outside, and I would love to chase them, but mommy tells me to stay in. And then she licks my ears, so I forget about the squirrels and birds. And anyway, it's kind of ok because my human mommy gets me a lot of toys to play with, so there's always something fun to do when I'm not napping. And I like to play with Auntie Wrigley a lot!

Auntie Wrigley is letting me write today because she's too hot and tired. She said that she owed her adoring fans an update, but she couldn't because it is too hot, and she asked me to, but I don't know what an update to adoring fans means, so I'm going to tell you about what I like about Auntie Wrigley. My mommy doesn't understand her and thinks she's mean. But she's not. She's just misunderstood.

Auntie Wrigley never had any kitten playmates growing up like I did, so she doesn't always know how to play properly. But I teach her. She thinks that when I chase her and bite her tail, that I really want to hurt her. But then I just remind her. And then we wrestle. It's fun to wrestle with Auntie Wrigley because she doesn't know how to wrestle properly with a kitten. She knows how to wrestle with human feet, but not kittens. So I can always beat her. I pin her on her back and she tries to bat at me, but she never pulls out her claws, so I know she doesn't mean it. Sometimes mommy sees it and worries, but then we'll start purring, so mommy knows it's ok.

Auntie Wrigley always lets me eat her wet food. She takes a couple of bites, but then she gives it to me. She also lets me lay in her favorite pink bed, too. Which is really nice and smells like her. She also lets me use the scratching post, even if she's in the middle of it.

Right now Auntie Wrigley is laying in her spot on the windowsill. We had some treats tonight - the humans made steak and they gave us each two bites to nibble on. It was so yummy! And what else is happening here? Oh, the baby kittens are so cute! The humans let me sniff at them when they peek their heads out of the door sometimes. I'm so excited to get to play with them, but they're so tiny! Mommy told me that I was tiny like that once, but I don't believe it. I'm a big girl now and I don't think I was ever that tiny. They sure are small.

I guess that's all that's going on in the house right now. It's warm and I'm going to take a nap by the window where it's cool. Thanks for letting me say hi! Maybe Auntie Wrigley will let me write here again sometime!

I'm glad I'm not the one getting fixed today

The black cat that they used to call Sister (because they thought she was Polyphony's sister - honestly, they are so unimaginative) is now called Twilight, and she got fixed today. So we're all just chilling out and trying to be quiet and give her some space because she's all tired and grumpy and doesn't know what's going on. We've all been through it before, so we know the gig. I kind of feel sorry for her, but I'd never admit that, so don't go telling anyone.

And my female human got some contraption called an elliptical machine a few weeks ago. It's making me mad because she inconsiderately put it in the office, which just happens to be the only room I feel comfortable in these days since my territory keeps shrinking. So now, not only is this monstrosity in my space, but she's in there every day huffing and puffing, and she turns the tv up REALLY loudly so she can hear it over the noise of the machine beeping, and it completely destroys my nap time. It's just so rude. Honestly, these humans just have no manners.

I just don't know how anybody expects me to thrive and reach my full potential in this environment! Cats everywhere, cat hair on my gorgeous fur, litterboxes with scents that aren't mine. It's all just becoming a bit much. Fortunately my human always feeds me in the office so I don't have to eat in the same room with them and their bad manners. Additionally, she always leaves copies of her New Yorker around, so I can catch up on all the news that's important, and not the neighborhood talk around here, which consists mostly of who has the best hairballs.

Wrigley's parents have been very busy...

With Polyphony's babies. Now I'm a little too stoic and sophisticated to be swayed by cute kittens, but these ones sure are something special.

I'm no good unless I've had my coffee

I mean, given the fact that I now live with Cat People, and a house full of furry felines, I savor any bit of rest I can get these days.

We had a sad day yesterday. The big outdoor patriarch, Big Boy, had to be put down. I never liked him much, and we batted at each other through the window; but he was a good dad to his brood, and the humans are hugely distraught, and he had FIV (kitty hiv) and I wouldn't wish that on my worst feline enemy, so I'm giving him his due respect.

I hope he's doing well in Kitty Heaven now. His daughter, Polyphony, is due in a few days, so he'll have a legacy. I know I won't get to see the kittens until they are at least a few weeks old (and I really have much too much to think about to care anyway) but I suppose I will be able to bring myself to show at least a little bit of interest. They might be somewhat cuddly.

Polyphony is Pregnant and totally hormonal

So the humans found out the other day that Polyphony, the new little black cat, is pregnant. They found out when it was too late to spay her, so we're gonna get kittens in about a week or so.

They sequestered her in her Pregnancy Room (the back bedroom and bathroom) because she was getting totally hormonal. The other day she chased all of us into separate corners and growled at us when we tried to go past her. Seriously, she's too much. I guess it's hard for her because she's so young. She's only 6 months old. Still a baby. She really has no clue what's going on, and I'm sure it's upsetting to her.

She still shouldn't take it out on me, though.

The humans have contacted the humane league, who will help out with getting them adopted out, because lord knows, if there were going to be kittens in the house forever, I'd howl.

The little black cat's Sister also came into the house recently. So now the roster includes:

1. Me
2. Tulip
3. Blossom
4. Polyphony
5. Polyphony's sister (she's still nameless - they just call her Sister)

And there will be kittens soon.

But I think that they will adopt Polyphony out after the kittens go, because Sister is really nice and has been fitting in well, but Polyphony is just a b*tch. We'll see how she is after she gives birth, though. She's pretty cute.

I refuse to eat with everyone these days. When the female human gets the food ready for us all, she puts all the bowls down, and I just hover at the doorway, watching and staying out of the fray. Then she brings me my food into the office, and I eat there, in privacy.

Here's a video of Polyphony's belly, if you're interested. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated. It's such a stressful time, but Tulip has been teaching me kitty-yoga and we've been chilling out on a new catnip play mat that the female got at a place she practically lives at called Target (I thought maybe it was a church or something, since she goes so often, but then I heard her say that she gives way more than a tithe to Target, so it must be something different).

One of the (few) things I like about having other cats in the house

The humans have other people to do things like this to. It really is nice to just sit back and watch, and stifle a giggle. If it means I don't have to wear dresses like this, I'm all about sisters.

I am so adorable

Everyone wishes they were as cute as me. Especially in my special "repose" pose.

Another cat invaded the space again. My humans have turned into cat-people. I don't even like cat-people, and I'm a friggin cat. What's up with that?

I'm really chill, though. This cat is an all-black one. She was the runt of a litter of feral ones that live under the humans' deck. I've seen her outside a couple of times, and we've sniffed each other through the screen door.

She's totally not cool with it, though. She growls at everything. It's made me appreciate how friendly Tulip and Blossom are. The humans think she'll fit in eventually. I'm just hanging out watching her growl.

And looking gorgeous. It's hard to keep up with my exciting life.

Don't even say a word

Yeah, I got busted cuddling with Tulip. Whatever. So what? She was warm. These two new cats have all this fur and they're all warm and everything. I didn't think anyone was looking! I'd never show this much affection if I knew someone was looking, much less taking a picture.

Whatever. My female human thinks I'm getting soft. Sucker.

On a different note, the other day I had a staredown contest with the neighborhood cat. The Big Black Cat was sitting directly outside the bedroom window on a wall so that his head was level with mine when I sat on the windowsill. I puffed up my tail and batted at him through the glass. It woke my female human up, and she got all freaked out just waking up and seeing this big black head at the window. Yeah, well, it freaked me out, too, and that's why I was trying to protect her. Instead she just shut the blinds so we couldn't see each other. She's so lame sometimes.

Getting used to the new cats

So I'm getting used to these new cats that have invaded my space. I stopped hissing because it was making my throat sore. I've decided that I really like their new litter box, but they can't use mine. Just like I can eat their food, but they can't eat mine. It's my house, my rules.

They've pretty much put their scent all over the house now, but I am lucky that one area - my pink soft foamy bed thing - has stayed mine. I told them they couldn't go anywhere close to it.

Tulip and I play a lot - I like her big puffy tail. I like to swat it when she walks past me. Blossom is just kind of blah. She sits. She yawns. She sleeps. Sometimes she meows. I try to play with her sometimes, but it's just not worth the effort.

Anyway, I know lots of you are worried about me stuck up here in the mountains with the raccoons on the deck and these new cats in the house. Not to fear - I'm managing. Just barely.

Intruders

Well, they've gone and done it.

They've really gone and done it.

My humans have brought new cats into the home. A mama, Blossom, and her baby, Tulip.

I mean, they're cute and all, but I mean, it's my house!

I'm hissing a lot.

But I am smelling them, too. I think they're ok.

Still, the nerve of them. I mean, honestly.

I just don't know what else to say about this. I need to think. And lick myself a little more.

Snow

There has been a huge snowfall here in my new home, and thus, a picture of me looking dreamy with a backdrop of the white stuff.

I had been pretty curious about it, but no more, thank you very much. My male human wrapped me up in his jacked and walked outside with me so I could have a look at this weird stuff they get up here. I crawled out and he let me try and walk on it, but then my paw sunk down into it, and it turns out it's actually higher than me this time. So I couldn't really do much. I meowed, and he picked me right back up again and brought me inside and dried me off. So now I just look at the Little Black Cat out the window and gloat.

My humans fed him, though - the Little Black Cat. They fed him my food. Honestly, next thing you know they'll be inviting him in for tea and gossip.

The other big adventure I had this week was that I got to stay in another hotel for one night. My female human had a meeting on Friday morning about 3-4 hours away. She doesn't like to leave home, so she had just been thinking to go up early in the morning. But with this snow and all, she decided she needed to get down the mountain quick-like. So they loaded me in the car on Thursday afternoon and drove me to someplace named Lompoc which was close to somewhere else called Santa Barbara.

The hotel was some kind of weird. I could crawl in the thing they called the "box spring" so I could keep them awake all night. That was fun. It was even more fun when it was time to go home and I crawled up there, and they had to lift the bed up to get me. I laughed and laughed. It was a good time.

I cuddled into my female human's feet on the way home and fell asleep on her ankle. I thought that would be fun. But then. Oh then. Then the real torture started. We got up the mountain and it turns out the road where the humans have bought this house of theirs wasn't plowed, and we had to walk, with all our stuff from traveling the night before, back to the house. I must say, my female human was very gruff with me. She just grabbed me and expected me to be still and not try to run away or put up a fuss.

I could tell they were stressed out, and besides, there's been serious talk of getting another cat lately, so I decided it would be best to behave. We got to the house and it turns out there was no electricity. So it was cold. The male got the car unstuck and the female started shoveling and everybody forgot that I needed food for at least an hour. The male made a fire and the female lit candles and finally I got my dinner. Just because their electricity is off doesn't mean I need to suffer. I don't need electricity anyway.

That said, it was kind of cold throughout the night. They closed the door to the bedroom, which is where I like to sleep, and stayed in the living room where the fire was. So I had to stay out there with them. I guess I may have crawled under their blankets a time or two, but I'd never admit it.

Life returns to Normal after my Humans Desert Me

Oh, and Happy New Year.

My humans deserted me for 12 days. 12 whole days. The heat was out and I was freezing.

Oh, ok, so they did arrange for Tara of Heart and Soul Pet Care to come visit me each day. She fed me and watered me, gave me my hairball treats and played with me.

So I can't be too much of a martyr about it.

Either way, it still sucked.

It sucked so much I let the humans hold me for about 15 minutes last night when they got home. And I slept in their bed with them.

Yeah, I love them. I'm a sissy cat sometimes. But I'm strong enough to admit it.

After a few days I'll go back to my normal routine of ignoring them and complaining about the lack of quality catnip, but for now, I'm just enjoying some warmth in the house and pats on my belly whenever I want them.